Oink Jokes / Recent Jokes
The NASA is launching a rocket to the moon. On board there are two pigs and Kiki, a stunning blond.
When the rocket is outside the stratosphere, the first stage drops off. Contact is made: "Houston here, Pig 1, Pig 1, do you read us, over."
"Oink, oink, here Pig1, read you loud and clear"
"Pig 1, do you still know your instructions?"
"Yes, when we get to the moon, I press the red button to initiate the moon landing, over."
"That's right. Over and out."
They go on until the rocket separates its booster stage. "Hallo, Pig2, Here Houston, come in please."
"Oink, oink, here Pig 2, read you loud and clear."
"OK, Pig 2 do you remember your instructions?"
"Yes, when we've landed on the moon and are ready to leave, I press on the green button to initiate the launch program."
"That's right. Over and out."
An hour later when the rocket has more...
MOTHER PIG: What did you learn in school today? FIRST PIGLET: Oink! Oink! SECOND PIGLET: Oink! Oink! THIRD PIGLET: Woof! Woof! MOTHER PIG: What? THIRD PIGLET: Im taking a foreign language.
So there are three girls that escaped from jail;a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. So the three girls escape and go into a barn close by. The brunette goes with the pigs, the redhead goes with the chickens, and the blonde goes in the corn field. The police arrive at the barn and look in the pigpen and ask if anyone is in there and the brunnete goes oink, oink, oink. so then they check the chickens and ask if anyone is in there and the redhead goes bawk, bawk, bawk. then they check in the cornfield and ask if anyone is in there and the blonde goes corn, corn, corn.
12. Every morning at the bus stop, that same pig is reading the newspaper - upside down! 11. Whenever you cross the road, so does that damned chicken! 10. That foul smell, and you're not with your beer drinking buddies.9. Heavy bleating on the other end of the phone.8. Silhouette of knife-wielding Holstein appears on your shower curtain.7. Everywhere you do, the bell! the Bell! THE BELL!!! 6. You find a knit cap and FOUR bloody gloves.5. You keep hearing, "Oink Oink," and there isn't a See'n'Say toy in sight.4. After an ugly break-up with Flopsy, you find Glenn Close floating in a pot on your stove.3. While baking custard pie, you step in cow pie.2. All 84 Caller ID entries read, "Babe."and the Number 1 Sign You're Being Stalked By A Farm Animal...1. Note on your doorstep says, "We'll see who's laughing at Thanksgiving this year, Ginsu Boy!"
A guy walks into a hotel and says "can i have a room?" and the manager says "sure but its filled with cows" he says "ok whatever" the next morning he wakes up and says "i feel like a cow moo moo!" another guy walks in a say "can i have a room?" and the manager says "sure but it filled with pigs" the guy says "ok whatever" the next morning he wakes up and says "i feel like a pig oink oink!" then another guy comes in a says "can i have a room" and the manager say "sure but it filled with 18 women" the guy says "sure thats great" the next morning he wakes up and say "man i feel like a golf ball that just want through 18 holes!"
Teacher enters the classroom and asks the grade two students to learn some farm yard animal noises so they could perform them at the school assembly.
The day comes quickly and it was Grade Two's turn to impress the rest of the school. The teacher introduces them
"Mary, can you do a farmyard noise?"
Proud as punch Mary says, "Yes miss... mooooooo!"
"Michael, can you do a farmyard noise?"
Grinning ear to ear he replies, "Yes miss... oink oink oink!"
"Sally, can you do a farmyard noise?" Jumping on the spot she says, "Yes miss... cluck, cluck!"
"Johnny, can you do a farmyard noise?"
Johnny was quiet for a while then says "Yep"
"Well can you show us?" Prods the teacher
"Ok then... Johnny get of the ****ing tractor you little ****!"