Does a dolphin ever do something by accident? No, they do everything on porpoise!
Ladies and Gentlemen, Mabuhay!, this is your Captain Biglang-awa speaking, We are now over the Philippine trench where you can find the deepest part of the Pacific ocean.
Here you can also find almost all the ferocious creatures in the sea, there's the killer sharks, barracudas and many others. And now for the finale, please, stay calm and don't panic for both our engines are dead and we are now going down into that ocean.
Please wear your life vest. We are going to crashland this plane into the water. In the meantime, I would like you to follow everything I'm going to say, repeat after me: "Our Father Who is in Heaven..."
Two fraternity brothers decide to go sailing one afternoon and become lost. After twenty hours with nothing to eat or drink, one of them spots a lamp floating by. He picks it up and a genie pops out. The genie notices the poor condition of the brothers and grants them one wish between the two of them.
After a lot of arguing over who gets the wish, one of them blurts out, “I wish the ocean was made of beer. ”
Magically, the ocean turns to beer.
Infuriated, the other guy yells, “You idiot! Now we have to piss in the boat! ”
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
From a catalog.
How you get down from an elephant?
You don't, you get down from ducks.
What city has the largest rodent population?
What did God say when Joan of Arc showed up at the Pearly Gates?
What did one cloned sheep say to the other?
"I am ewe."
What did one magnet say to the other magnet?
"I find you very attractive."
What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.
What did one potato chip say to the other?
Shall we go for a dip?
What did the painter say to the wall?
"One more crack and I'll plaster you!"
What do cats like on a hot day?
A mice cream cone.
What do cats like on their hot dogs?
What do cats like to eat for breakfast?