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  • Funny Jokes

    A man has been married to his wife for over 20 years and during the past 5 years he has been unable to obtain an erection. He feels just horrible because he is unable to have sex with his wife. He fears his wife may leave him for another man. Out of desperation the man has gone to every doctor and expert in the area. Despite numerous tests and suggested remedies, no reason for his impotence can be found and no cure has worked. The man decides to share his problem with his best friend. His best friend gets all excited and says, "I know who can help you! There is mystic and he was able to help someone else I know with the same problem! You must go see him!"So the man takes his friend's advice and goes to visit this curious mystic. The man explains his problem, the mystic looks him over and says, "Ah, yes, indeed I can offer a temporary cure." The man is just elated, he tells the mystic, "Whatever it is, please do it! I want to be able to have sex with my wife, more...

    MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
    TOY TEST: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).
    GROCERY STORE TEST: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
    DRESSING TEST: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff it into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.
    FEEDING TEST: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill it halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Get the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls more...

    No punch line can top this headline:

    China tells living Buddhas to obtain permission before they reincarnate

    Tibet's living Buddhas have been banned from reincarnation without permission from China's atheist leaders..."The so-called reincarnated living Buddha without government approval is illegal and invalid," according to the order, which [went] into effect on September 1.

    Due to budget constraints, the following corporate policies are announced
    regarding employees traveling on official business. These policies are effective
    immediately.
    TRANSPORTATION
    Hitch-hiking in lieu of commercial transportation is strictly encouraged.
    Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their
    departure on company business trips. Should hitch-hiking prove fruitless, bus
    travel may be utilized if absolutely necessary. Airline tickets will be
    authorized for purchase only under extreme circumstances, and the lowest fares
    will be used. If, for example, a meeting is scheduled in Seattle but a lower
    fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be
    substituted for travel to Seattle.
    Car rental fees are going up all the time, and are to be avoided. As a
    substitute for these charges, we recommend car-sharing. Simply turn your issued
    luminescent safety vest inside more...

    We spent our whole youth to obtain wealth and our whole wealth to obtain youth.

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