Nite Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Ebonics Crimmus Pome
    Wuz de nite befo Crimmus An' all ower de hood ereybody wuz' sleepin' Dey wuz sleepin' good
    We hunged up our stockings An hoped like de' heck That ol Sanna Clause Be bringin' our check
    All o'de fambily Wuz layin in de beds While Ripple and Thunderbird Dance tru' dey heads
    I passed out inna' flo Right nex to my Maw When I heard sech a fuss I thunk: "It mus be de law!!!"
    I looked out thru de bars What covered my doe 'spectin' de sheriff Wif a warrent fo sho
    And what did I see I said, "Lawd look at dat!!" Ther' wuz a huge watermellon Pulled by giant warf rats!!
    Now ober all de years Santa Clause, he be white But looks liken us bros Gets a black Sanna dis nite
    Faster dan a Po'lees car My home boy he came He whupped on dem warf rats An' called dem by name!
    On Leroy, on 'Lonzo And on Willie Lee On Saphire, on Chenequa Dey wuz a site to see!!
    As he landed dat watta' mellon Out der in da skreet I knowed it was fo' more...

    There was an elderly couple that was on their way for a 2 week vacation on a carribean cruise. The wife, unfortunately, forgot her hearing aides at home...Upon arriving to the cabin that was to be theirs during the trip, they noticed that it had 2 bunk beds. So, as they were retiring for the first nite, the husband says to his wife, "Up, or down?". The wife inexplicably removes all her clothing and makes love to her husband all nite long.The next nite, the husband wonders if he'll get lucky again... So, he says to his wife, "Up, or down?" She again removes all her clothing and makes love to him all nite long.This continues for 2 glorious weeks.When they arrive home from their trip, the wife retrieves her hearing aides. As they retire for the first nite home, the husband decides to try the magic words again... "Up, or down?" His wife says, "What?". To which he replies, "During the whole trip, my dear, I said those words every nite and you more...

    This husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed. However, as soon as they settle down, the man leans over and whispers softly and sweetly, "Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lovey dovey little hubby wubby isn't quite ready for nite nite yet". The wife takes the hint and says "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first".
    So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face. Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone "Oh my little honey bunny, is your precious nosey-wosey all right? Let me help my sweetie sugar."
    No harm is done, so she gets into bed and they make mad passionate love. Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor. Her husband looks over and grunts "Clumsy bitch".

    'Twas the nite before implementation and all through the house,
    Not a program was working, not even a browse.
    The programmers hung by their tubes in despair,
    With hopes that a miracle soon would be there.
    The users were nestled all snug in their beds,
    While visions of inquiries danced in their heads.
    When out in the machine room there arose such a clatter,
    I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
    And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
    But a super programmer ( with a six-pack of root beer ).
    Her resume glowed with experience so rare,
    She turned out great code with a bit-pusher's flair.
    More rapid than eagles, her programs they came,
    And she cursed and muttered and called them by name.
    On Update! On Add! On Inquiry! On Delete!
    On Batch Jobs! On Closings! On Functions Complete!
    Her eyes were glazed over, fingers nimble and lean,
    From weekends and nites in front of a screen.
    A wink of more...

    A- Alcohol: The key to surviving High school

    B- Beer: It's what's for dinner...and breakfast and lunch

    C- Class: What you're supposed to get up and go to after last night's party

    D- Dancing: A favorite pastime of almost every drunk, usually looks pathetic

    E- Emergency: The keg is empty or there is no one over 21 in your drinking party

    F- Fucked Up: Signified by leaning over a toilet puking your guts out

    G- Games: Anything that involves cards, stripping and chugging beers

    H- Hang-over: Reminds you of how great last night was and how much you drank

    I- Idiot: What you look like after doing a lap dance on fat kid (after just three beers)

    J- Jail: Where you'll end up after trying to use a fake ID or stagger home at 5 am

    K- Kissing: What you'll do to anything that moves after 15 beers

    L- Lord: Person you beg to get you out of every situation involving more...

  • Recent Activity