Newt Jokes / Recent Jokes

Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the White House, Al Gore was eyeing Hillary, peering into her blouse.The Secret Service were guarding the premises with care, for a whole host of Democrats were vacationing there.As Chelsea was nestled all snug in her bed, dirty thoughts swam around Mr. Kennedy's head.And Bill in his sportcoat; a heavy gray tweed, had just fried his brain with some Mexican weed.When out in the garden came a plethora of noise, all drunken and rowdy: 'twas Newt and the boys! Bill jumped to the window, and tore open the sash,"It's a raid boys!" he cried, "Quick, go hide my stash!"The pot in his blood and the moon on the snow, gave a psychedelic haze to the objects below.When what to Bill's frantic eyes should appear, but a slew of Republicans and a keg of ice beer.With a big House leader, all lively and fat:He knew it was Newt, the proponent of GATT! As viscous as vipers, the Republicans came, and Bill recognized them and called them by more...

This man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder and the bar tender asks him,
"What's your newt's name?"
and the man replies,
"Tiny"
and the bar tender says,
"Why is he called Tiny?"
and the man replies,
"Because he is minute."
(minute means small)

Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the White House, Al Gore was eyeing Hillary, peering into her blouse. The Secret Service were guarding the premises with care, for a whole host of Democrats were vacationing there. As Chelsea was nestled all snug in her bed, dirty thoughts swam around Mr. Kennedy's head. And Bill in his sportcoat; a heavy gray tweed, had just fried his brain with some Mexican weed. When out in the garden came a plethora of noise, all drunken and rowdy:' twas Newt and the boys! Bill jumped to the window, and tore open the sash,"It's a raid boys!" he cried, "Quick, go hide my stash!"The pot in his blood and the moon on the snow, gave a psychedelic haze to the objects below. When what to Bill's frantic eyes should appear, but a slew of Republicans and a keg of ice beer. With a big House leader, all lively and fat: He knew it was Newt, the proponent of GATT! As viscous as vipers, the Republicans came, and Bill recognized them and called more...

Bill Clinton, Newt Ginrich and Dan Quayle were riding in a car in the mid-west.. Along came a tornado and picked up the car and threw it 100s of miles away - As they were climbing out of the car and checking themselves for injuries, Newt Gingrich exclaimed that he thought they were in OZ - he said "I'm going to see the wizard and ask for a heart", Dan Quayle said "I'm going to see the wizard and ask for a brain".....Bill said "Where's Dorthy?"

I heard this in Macon on the TV over the weekend:
"Remember to set your clocks ahead one hour tonight... unless you're Newt Gingrich, then set your clock back 40 years."
Newt Gingrich is the USA's new Speaker of the House of Representatives, a paleo-conservative whose pronouncements, IMHO, are full of bombast and sophistry. Viz: This (bill which will reduce taxes for earners of UP TO $200,000 A YEAR) is good for the American Family!

'Twas the Newt Before Christmas
by Dean Bakopoulos
' Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the White House
Al Gore was eyeing Hillary, peering into her blouse.
The Secret Service men were guarding the premises with care,
for a whole host of Democrats were vacationing there.
Chelsea was nestled all snug in her bed
after locking out Mr. Kennedy and the dirty thoughts in his head.
And Bill in his sportcoat; a heavy grey tweed,
had just fried his brain with some Mexican weed.
When out in the garden came a plethora of noise,
all drunken and rowdy:' twas Gingrich and the boys!
Bill jumped to the window, and tore open the sash,
"It's a raid boys!" he cried, "Quick, go hide my stash!"
The pot in his blood and the moon on the snow
gave a psychedelic haze to the objects below.
When what to Bill's frantic eyes should appear,
but a slew of Republicans and a keg of ice beer,
with more...

One gay man says to the other, did you hear Newt Gingrich is coming out?" Really?" the second gay man says, "that's amazing!"The first gay man says, "yeah we're lucky, he's only comingout of Congress, would you wanna sleep with him?" Sent by Patrick