Newt Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    In an interview, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich attacked President Bush.

    Said Gingrich, “It took the President barely six years to completely humiliate the Republican Party. I don’t mean to brag, but when I was in power, it took me only about eight months.”

    After Bill Clinton Dies he goes directly to Hell. Upon arriving he is met by Satan, who informs him that Hell is currently full but since he REALLY deserves to be there, they will make special arrangements by letting someone else leave to make room for Bill. And, as a special favor, he will be given a choice of people to replace. Satan then leads Bill to a room with three doors.
    The first door opens. Behind the door is Newt Gingrich. He's being worked over with a blowtorch. Upon seeing Newt in this predicament, Clinton cringes and says, "That looks painful. I don't think this is for me."
    The second door opens. Behind door #2 is Ted Kennedy. His skin is being stripped off with a pair of pliers. Grimacing at the bloody scene, Clinton again says, "I don't think this is for me."
    The third door opens and behind it is Ken Starr. He is naked and bound hand and foot. Kneeling before him is Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. "I can handle more...

    Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car together in the Midwest. A tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away.
    When they come down and extract themselves from the vehicle, they realize they're in the land of Oz. They decide to go to see the Wizard of Oz. Quayle says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain."
    Gingrich says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart." Clinton says, "Where's Dorothy?"

    Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich, and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car
    together in the midwest. A tornado comes along and
    whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away.
    When they come down and extract themselves from the vehicle, they
    realize they're in the land of Oz. They decide to go to see the Wizard of Oz.
    Quayle says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain."
    Gingrich says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart."
    Clinton says, "Where's Dorothy?"

    I heard this in Macon on the TV over the weekend:
    "Remember to set your clocks ahead one hour tonight... unless you're Newt Gingrich, then set your clock back 40 years."
    Newt Gingrich is the USA's new Speaker of the House of Representatives, a paleo-conservative whose pronouncements, IMHO, are full of bombast and sophistry. Viz: This (bill which will reduce taxes for earners of UP TO $200,000 A YEAR) is good for the American Family!

  • Recent Activity