Newstand Jokes

A man decides to have a face lift as a special gift to himself for his birthday. He spends $6,000 and feels very good about the results.
On his way home, he stops at a newstand to buy a paper. Before leaving, he says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?
"I'd say about 36," replies the clerk.
"Nope, I'm actually 49," the man replies happily.
After leaving the newstand, he stops at McDonald's for lunch and asks the order taker the same question. "Oh, you look to be about 31," the order taker says.
"No, I'm actually 49," the man says, feeling even happier. While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies, "I am 82 and my eyesight is going. However, when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your privates for ten minutes, I'll be able to tell your exact age." Since there more...