Network Jokes

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    Computer acronyms list

    Hot 7 years ago

    Humorous Computer-Related Acronyms


    I Blame Microsoft

    Idiots Buy Me

    Idiots Building Machines

    I'll Buy Macintoshes

    It Bit Me

    It Built Microsoft

    It's Better Manually

    I've Been Mislead

    I've Been Mugged


    Well, It Never Does Operate With Speed

    When I Need Data Output Without Speed

    While Idle, Needs DX or WorkStation

    Will Install Needless Data On Whole System


    Whoppingly Immense NOP

    Worm Infestation Netware


    My Solitaire With Its New De-accelerator, Only With Some Network Technology

    Well Intended, Netword De-accelerator, Only Works Sometimes, Never Totally

    WINDOWS (as a) Network Trojan

    Different Operating Systems Expectations

    Macintosh: What You See Is What You Get

    MS-DOS: You Asked more...

    1. How to get rid of nuclear waste:
    Sending nuclear waste into the sun is expensive, because of the amount of
    energy expended in getting it out of Earth's gravity well, which is most
    probably more energy than was obtained from the fuel in the first place.
    The best way to get rid of nuclear waste is to put it on the government
    surplus list. People will bid on anything if they think they are getting
    a good deal. And as for the damage it will cause, frankly do you really
    care what happens to people stupid enough to buy something that is clearly
    marked "Hazardous Nuclear Waste?"
    2. How to fund private space concerns:
    This is a twofold problem: first the difficulty with Congress, and second
    the lack of funding. Both these problems can be solved in one simple
    manner. Make slavery legal again. All the work on the Constitution has
    already been done; you merely need repeal the Emancipation Proclamation.
    Now, since congressmen more...


    Hot 2 years ago

    Nov 28, 2005
    Moved in to my new Hermosa Beach house at last. Finally, we live in the
    smartest house in the neighborhood. Everything's networked. The
    cable TV is connected to our phone, which is connected to my
    personal computer, which is connected to the power lines, all the
    appliances and the security system. Everything runs
    off a univeral remote with the friendliest interface I've ever
    used. Programming is a snap. I'm like, totally wired.
    Nov 30
    Hot Stuff! Programmed my VCR from the office, turned up the
    thermostat and switched on the lights with the car phone, remotely
    tweaked the oven a few degress for my pizza. Everthing nice & cozy
    when I arrived. Maybe I should get the universal remote surgically attached.
    Dec 3
    Yesterday, the kitchen CRASHED. Freak event. As I opened the
    refrigerator door, the light bulb blew. Immediately, everything
    else electrical shut down - lights, microwave, coffee maker -
    everything. more...

    A Few Good SysAdmins

    Hot 4 years ago

    User: I want some answers.
    Administrator: You want answers?
    User: I think I'm entitled to them.
    Administrator: You want answers?
    User: I want the truth!
    Administrator: You can't handle the truth!
    We live in a world that has Computers, and those Computers have to be
    connected by people with a clue.
    Who's gonna do it? You?
    You users make me sick. I have a greater responsibility than you can
    possibly fathom.
    You weep for your email and you curse the local administrator.
    You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that
    this network, while screwed up, and confusing to you, probably saved time.
    And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves time.
    You don't want the truth, because deep down, in places you don't talk about
    at parties, you want us in this office.
    You need us in this office.
    We use words like DNS, LDAP, and SCRIPTS...we use these words as the
    backbone to a more...

    Breakfast, lunch and dinner: Cheese-filled weenies
    Raise financial backing for my one man ice show - "Davecapades!"
    Turn in Uzi for shiny new bicycle
    Tape all the NFL games on CBS
    Return camera number 3 to NBC
    (Here, Dave shows camera number 3 - with an NBC logo on the side)
    Stop laughing every time I say "The Fox Network"
    Have applause sign installed in my bedroom
    To always remain loyal to this fine network - unless another network comes up with some more money
    Learn to teeterboard nude
    (This entry is completed with a clip of senior citizens teeterboarding naked)
    Four words: Mrs. Kathie Lee Letterman

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