Neighborhood Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Close your curtains

    Hot 2 years agoby Jenny

    Joe says to Paddy: "Close your curtains the next time you're shagging your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."

    Paddy says: "Well the joke's on them stupid bastards because I wasn't even at home yesterday."

    Lenten Protestant

    Hot 2 years ago

    John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday of Lent.

    On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got together and decided that something had to be done about John. He was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn't take it anymore. They decided to try and convert John to be a Catholic. They went over and talked to him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic. They took him to Church, and the Priest sprinkled some water over him, and said, "You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are Catholic." The men were so relieved, now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved.

    The next year's Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came, and more...

    Who Am I??

    Hot 2 years ago

    One Monday morning, a mailman was walking through the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approached one of the homes, Bob, a homeowner, was coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.
    "Wow, Bob, looks like you guys had a hell of a party this weekend," the mailman commented.
    Bob replied, "We had about 15 couples from around the neighborhood over and things got a bit wild. We got so drunk that we started playing 'Who Am I?'"
    "How do you play that?" the mailman asked.
    Bob continued, "Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us, with only our units showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."
    The mailman laughed and said, "I'm sorry I missed that."
    "Probably a good thing you did," Bob responded, "Your name was guessed four or five times."

    Where is God

    Hot 7 years ago

    In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wit's end trying to control them. Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the priest to talk with the boys.
    The father replied, "Sure, do that before I kill them!"
    The mother went to the priest and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the priest.
    The priest sat the boy down across a huge, impressive desk he sat behind.
    For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the priest pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"
    The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing.
    Again, louder, the priest more...

    Meatless Fridays

    Hot 7 months ago

    John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill.
    Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday of Lent. On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got together and decided that something had to be done about John. He was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn't take it anymore.
    They decided to try and convert John to Catholicism.
    They went over and talked to him. John decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic, which made them all very happy.
    They took him to church, and the priest sprinkled some water over him, and said, "You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are a Catholic."
    The men were so relieved, now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved.
    The next year's Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of more...

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