Needles Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Fear of Needles

    Hot 5 years ago

    Matt, who has always had a fear of needles, was sitting in the hospital waiting to get a vaccination.
    When the nurse called him into the office to receive the injection, he nervously entered the room, sat down and broke into a cold sweat as he watched her prepare the needle. He tried to concentrate on the most pleasurable things he could, hoping that would dull the pain he was about to suffer.
    As the nurse approached him with the needle, she couldn't help but notice his nervousness. In an attempt to comfort him, she said, "Don't worry, it's just a small prick."
    Matt quickly jumped up, obviously upset. Startled by his reaction, but before she was able to say anything, Matt yelled, "Just how many people has my wife been talking to?!?"

    These Three Guys

    Hot 4 years ago

    There were three guys, a Torontonian, an American and a Newfie. They were all going to be executed. The executioner said that since all three were to be executed that night, they would each get to choose the method by which they would die.
    Their choices were: lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging. The American was afraid of needles and didn't want to be hanged, so he chose the electric chair. He sat in the chair and they pulled the switch and nothing happened. The executioner said that if this happens a second time that he could go free. They tried a second time and again nothing happened, so they set him free.
    The guy from Toronto was also afraid of needles and didn't want to be hanged so he too chose the electric chair. Once again, the chair didn't work and he was free.
    Next it was the Newfie's turn to pick how he was to be executed. He said, "I'm afraid of needles, the electric chair won't work so you're going to have to hang me."

    There were three guys, a Torontonian, an American and a Newfoundlander. They were all going to be executed.The executioner said that since all three were to be executed that ight that they would each get to choose the method by which they would die. The choices were: lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging.The American was afraid of needles and didn't want to be hanged so he chose the electric chair. He sat in the chair and when they pulled the switch and nothing happened. The executioner said that if this happened a second time that he could go free. They tried a second time and again nothing happened so they set him free.The Torontonian was also afraid of needles and didn't want to be hanged so he too chose the electric chair. Once again, the chair didn't work and he was free.Next it was the Newfies turn. He said, "I'm afraid of needles and the electric chair won't work so I pick hanging."

    Three guys were taking needles, two Americans and an [ethnic] guy.
    The first American takes the drug and hands the needle to the second
    American who cleans the needle, takes the drug and hands it to the [ethnic]
    guy.
    The [ethnic] guy takes the drug without cleaning the needle.
    The two Americans yell at the [ethnic] guy, telling him he can get aids
    from using a dirty needle.
    The [ethnic] guy says "No I can't. I'm wearing a condom"

    Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

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