Needing Jokes

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    Problem solving quotes

    Hot 2 years ago

    1. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

    2. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

    3. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

    4. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

    5. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

    6. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow, isn't looking good either.

    7. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

    8. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

    9. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

    10. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

    11. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars more...

    1) Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of jalapenos - you never know what's going to burn your butt.
    2) I love deadlines. I especially like the "whooshing" sound they make as they go flying by.
    3) Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
    4) Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.
    5) I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
    6) Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the hell is the ceiling?
    7) My reality check bounced.
    8) On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
    9) I don't suffer from stress; I am a carrier!
    10) You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
    11) Everyone is someone else's weirdo.
    12) Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you more...

    Better to be occasionally cheated than perpetually suspicious.
    In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. IT GOES ON.
    Accept than some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
    There are two things to aim at in life: first to get what you want and, after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second.
    There is no right way to do the wrong thing.
    The best vitamin for making friends: B1.
    Knowledge is like a garden; if it is not cultivated, it cannot be harvested.
    Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
    If you can't be the tablecloth, don't be the dishrag.
    I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
    I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
    Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, more...

    I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
    I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
    Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
    I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
    Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
    There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
    Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
    Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
    Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the 1st time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
    I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
    Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"
    My Reality Check more...

    If he/she isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

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