Nearby Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was a very hot day and a man desperately wanted to take a dive in the nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but what did it matter? He was all alone. So, he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction.
He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket which he found lying on the beach. He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief.
The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. Then, one of the ladies began talking with him. "You know, I have a special gift," she said. "I can read minds."
Wanting to dispense with the women, the embarrassed man sharply said, "Well, lady, I seriously doubt you can read mine."
"You're so wrong," the lady replied, "because I know that you *think* the bucket you're holding has a bottom in it."

Moses and Jesus are part of a threesome playing golf one day...
Moses pulls up to the tee and drives a long one. The ball lands on the fairway, but rolls directly toward a water trap. Quickly Moses raises his club, the water parts, and the ball rolls to the other side, safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It lands right in the center of the pond and kind of hovers over the water. Jesus casually walks out on the pond and chips the ball right up onto the green.
Then the third guy gets up and sort of randomly whacks the ball. It heads out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounces off a truck and hits a nearby tree. From there, it bounces onto the roof of a shack close by and rolls down into the gutter, down the drain spout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hits a little stone and bounces out over the water more...

Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water hazard. It landed right in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball onto the green.
The third guy got up and sort of randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drainspout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a little stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad, more...

Moses, Jesus, and another guy were out playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the fairway but rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It landed directly in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped it up onto the green.
The third guy gets up and sort of randomly whacks the ball. It heads out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounces off a truck and hits a nearby tree. From there, it bounces onto the roof of a nearby shack and rolls down into the gutter, down the downspout, out onto the fairway and right toward the aforementioned pond.
On the way to the pond, it hits a little stone and bounces out over the water and onto a lily pad where it rested more...

One day, Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf. Moses pulled up to the tee, and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water hazard. He quickly raised his club, the water parted, and the ball rolled to the other side, safe and sound.
Then, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water hazard. It landed right in the centre of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball onto the green.
Next, the third guy got up and randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over a fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street, where it bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree.
From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drain spout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily more...

The asylum decided it would be good for the inmates to learn to work together. Thus they organized a baseball team, the star player of which was "Nuts" McGuirk. Unfortunately, though Nuts could slam the ball a mile and field like a demon, he had to be told what to do every step of the way. Thus, whenever Nuts had to play, the coach was always nearby.
The day of the first game arrived, and a large crowd gathered at a local stadium to see the lunatics play the doctors.
After nine innings it was a tie game. The inmates had the bases loaded, and there were two outs. Luckily, it was Nuts' turn to bat. The coach quietly whispered to him, "Up, Nuts!" and Nuts left the bench. "Bat, Nuts," he said, and the player went to the plate.
Alas, just then a vendor nearby shouted, "Peanuts!"

The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water.
After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby. He held the bucket in front of his private area and sighed with relief.
The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move.
Then one of the ladies said, "You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds."
"Impossible', said the embarrassed man, 'You really know what I think?"
"Yes", the lady replied, "Right now, I bet you think that the bucket you're holding has a bottom."