Nature Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows).
    9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights).
    8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores.
    7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for "specials".
    6. Family coming to stay with you.
    5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling.
    4. Buying food you don't normally buy ... and in large quantities.
    3. Days off from work.
    2. Candles.

    1 And the number one reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas...At some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house!

    Why did the chicken cross the road? KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side. PLATO: For the greater good of man. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads. KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability. TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take. SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. RONALD REAGAN: I forget. CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas. ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using more...

    The Fart Zodiac

    Hot 8 months ago

    Aries

    The Ram. Their farts are "Built Ram Tough". They may feel like Curly-Qs coming out of their asses because their farts mimic the curves of a ram's horns. They, the farts, sometimes like to butt heads with other farts. Since people born under the sign of Aries show strong leadership and like to get things started, they are always the first ones to fart while around other people. Their farts tend to be loud since they are energetic. Do you like to hear robust farts? Too shy to be the first one to fart? Get with an Aries.

    Taurus

    The Bull. Their farts can be very stubborn, and once released, they can stink up a space with power for very long periods of time-longer than average. Their farts just don't want to go away. Their farts can even be kinda sharp and hurt their *******s when they come out, because they are big and mimic the sharp horns of the bull. Since Taurus people love sensual pleasures, they must take care not to over-indulge and more...

    Be Kind

    Hot 4 years ago

    Bumper sticker: BE KIND TO ANIMALS. HUG A HOCKEY PLAYER.

    A young missionary had just taken up a new post in a remote Maori village. The young man was the first white man to set foot in the area in quite some time.
    Upon entering the village he was quite distressed at the liberal attitude towards sexual practices and began to preach chastity to his new flock with a vengence.
    10 months later the daughter of the chief gives birth to a white baby. As the missionary is the only white man around the chief furiously confronts him.
    "You preach chastity to me and all the time you are doing the devils work with my daughter. I'm going to kill you, you hypocrite."
    "No it wasn't me" stammered the missionary "It's just a freak of nature."
    "Oh sure! A black woman gives birth to a white baby and you're the only white man for miles and you call it a freak of nature. Now I'm going to kill you slowly."
    "No, it's true" responded the missionary. "It's called an albino. These sort of more...

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