National Jokes / Recent Jokes

* The term "bank teller" originated in the wake of the 1929 stock market crash, when banks began hiring low-paid workers to "tell" throngs of frantic depositors that their money was gone.

* Scandinavian berserkers used to cut out their eyes before battle to spare themselves the sight of the carnage they invariably wrought.

* The city of Slaughter, Texas (population: 11, 284), has never had a homicide occur within its boundaries.

* Rubbing Tabasco on one's upper lip before bedtime is an effective temporary cure for sleep apnea.

* British pop singer Baby Spice is the great-great-great-great-great-great-grandniece of Archduke William Pinkley-Hogue of Standishfordshire, making her 103rd in line for the throne of England.

* Moths are unable to fly during an earthquake.

* When in heat, female hippopotami secrete an oil with a flavor similar to strawberries. Kalahari bushmen use the oil to make flat-bread more...

(I don't remember where I heard this, but I don't think it was in church...)
During a particularly wet winter, flood waters rise so high in one
town that the national guard evacuates all the residents. One man
stays behind, however, and when the water is waist-high, two national
guardsmen in a boat motor past his house, checking for people left
behind.
"We're evacuating the town because of the flood! Jump in the boat
and we'll carry you to safety!"
But the man says, "No, don't bother; I've led a pious life, and the
Lord will save me."
The men in the boat shrug their shoulders and motor away. Later,
when the water level has driven the man onto his roof, another boat
appears.
"Haven't you heard the town has been evacuated? Come on, we'll save
you!"
But the man sends them away again, saying "No, no, the Lord will save
me!"
The water level keeps rising until the man more...

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on the shoulder. This evidently pissed the driver off enough that he hung out his window and flipped the woman off. "Man, that guy is stupid" I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here's why.
I drive 38 miles each way, every day, to work. That's 76 miles, of these, 16 each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway. So, if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane. That's 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars. Even though the rest of the 34 miles is not bumper-to-bumper. I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day. Statistically half of more...

"It`s good to see so many friends here in the Rose Garden. This is our first event in this beautiful spot, and it`s appropriate we talk about policy that will affect people`s lives in a positive way in such a beautiful, beautiful part of our national - really, our national park system, my guess is you would want to call it."-George W. Bush, Feb. 8, 2001 "We`re concerned about AIDS inside our White House - make no mistake about it." -George W. Bush, Feb. 7, 2001 "There`s no such thing as legacies. At least, there is a legacy, but I`ll never see it." -George W. Bush, speaking to Catholic leaders at the White House, Jan. 31, 2001 "I appreciate that question because I, in the state of Texas, had heard a lot of discussion about a faith-based initiative eroding the important bridge between church and state." -George W. Bush, speaking to reporters, Washington, D. C., Jan. 29, 2001 "I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, more...

THE ORIGINAL VERSIONThe ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.MODERN CANADIAN VERSIONThe ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come the winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.The CBC shows up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. Canadians are stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to more...

During the constitutional convention in 1787 when it was proposed that the National Army be limited to 3,000 men, George Washington whispered from his presiding
chair, “Then we should have another article providing that no foreign nation with an army exceeding 3,000 men be allowed to invade.”

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING DUTCH
1. You can get arrested for growing plants, but not for smoking them.
2. You can make jokes about the Belgians and still drink their beer.
3. a. You can legally kill yourself
3. b. You can legally be killed
4. You're exactly like the Germans, without an uneery sense of guilt.
5. You think you are a world power, but everyone else thinks
Copenhagen is your capital.....
6. You get to insult people and defend yourself by saying it's a national tradition.
7. You can put your finger in a dyke and it will save your country
8. You live in the most densely populated country in Europe, and still you've never seen your neighbours.
9. If the economy is bad, blame the Germans. If a war is started, blame the Germans. If you lose your bike, blame the Germans.
10. Bikes are public property. Locks are a challenge.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING BELGIAN
1. You get to speak three languages, but none of more...