Name Jokes / Recent Jokes
A robber breaks into a home and procedes to loot the kitchen of the fine china and such when he hears a voice that says "Jesus is watching you" the robber looks around and doesnt see anybody Next he goes to the bedrooms and continues stealing then he hears the voice again "Jesus is whatching you " now he is starting to get paranoid so he turns on the lights and looks around, he sees a bird in the corner so he goes up to the bird and asks "are you the one saying Jesus is watching you" the bird says yes then asks whats your name the robber says todd the robber says whats your name the bird says milfred . The robber mumbles to himself what kind of person names their bird Milfred? The bird replies the same kind of person theat name their doberman Jesus.
There were 3 lads called shit, fuckoff and manners. Shit gets run over so fuckoff runs to the police station
"Quick, my friends been run over" He shouts
"Ok calm down" says the policeman. "Wots ur name?"
"Wots ur name"
"Fuckoff" He says again
"Where are your manners?" Says the policeman
"Outside picking shit up off the floor!"
What did the cook name his son? Stew!
Margaret Thatcher dies and strolls up the pearly staircase to the pearly gates,
where she is confronted by St. Peter, brandishing a clipboard. "Name," says St.
"Margaret Thatcher," she replies.
St. Peter checks through all the lists on his clipboard but cannot find the name
of the former British leader. "I am sorry," he says, "you cannot come in. Your
place is downstairs, in Hell. Mrs. Thatcher turns and walks down the stairs.
A short time later the phone rings. St. Peter answers, and a voice says, "Hello
Peter, it is the Devil speaking. You will have to take that bloody woman after
all - she is only been here for ten minutes and she has closed half the furnaces
to reduce capacity."
TEACHER: Why are you late?
BALGOBIN: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
BALGOBIN: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
TEACHER: Balgobin, why are you doing your math sums on the floor?
BALGOBIN: You told me to do it without using tables!
-TEACHER: Balgobin, how do you spell "crocodile"?
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
BALGOBIN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
-TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
BALGOBIN: "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
BALGOBIN: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
-TEACHER: Balgobin, go to the map and find North America.
BALGOBIN: Here it is!
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Hello, Patricia Whack. I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at this frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000 and the teller asks him his name, and the frog says it's Kermit Jagger, he's the adopted pet of Mick Jagger and that it's ok, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything that he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and leaves the room. She finds the manager and says, "There is a frog called Kermit Jagger out more...
Once there was a blonde that bought a house. she want to name her new house.
so she said "the next thing I hear I will name my house!" so she went down the street and the first thing she heard was "hairy butt"
then she went and bought a dog. and said the next thing she heard she will anme the dog it!!! The next thing she heard was "huge zit"
the next day her dog ran away so she went to the police and said "I looked everywere on and in my hairy butt but I can not find my huge zit anywere!!!"