Naked Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Heart Attack?

    Hot 1 year ago

    A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.' What's up?' he says.

    'I'm having a heart attack,' cries the woman.

    He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,' Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your wardrobe and he's got no clothes on!' The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife and rips open the wardrobe door.

    Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.' You jerk,' yells the husband,' my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!'

    Two young boys were at a waterfall. They saw a naked women underneath the water. One of the boys ran away and the other one followed him saying, why are you running? The first boy said, my mother said that if you look at a naked woman, you turn to stone... And I am already becoming hard !

    If you're easily offended (I mean VERY easily), don't read this.
    ***
    WOMEN SPEAK IN ESTROGEN AND MEN LISTEN IN TESTOSTERONE... By Matt Groening (Creator of The Simpsons and Life in Hell)
    Deep Thoughts about Gender Differences
    SEX: Women prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.
    MATURITY: Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults. Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.
    MAGAZINES: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women.
    Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Most naked men elicit laughter more...

    Three Dead Guys

    Hot 5 years ago

    Three men die and go to heaven. They meet up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, and he says, "Well, there's not that much room left in heaven, so you have to tell me an interesting way that you died, and if it's interesting enough, I'll let you in."So St. Peter goes into his office and calls in the first man.He says, "I was coming home from work one day early, and when I walked in the door, I had a strange suspicion that my wife was cheating on me. I walk into our room and sure enough, find her sprawled out naked alone on our bed. Sure that the guy was in the house, I searched frantically to find him... Under the bed, in the closet... Finally I found him hanging from our ledge on our balcony. Furious, I stepped on his hand and he went plummetting two stories down. However, he landed in a bush and I wasn't sure if he was dead yet. So I pushed the refrigerator out onto him. Later, I felt so guilty I committed suicide.""Wow," said St. Peter, "that's a more...

    Dictator

    Hot 6 years ago

    Olie and Lena are getting ready to go to a Halloween party. Lena comes out almost naked except for a ribbon with a lemon tied around her waist.
    Olie days, "Lane, is that what you're going to wear?"
    Lena says, "Yes Olie, it is."
    Then Olie goes back and comes out almost naked except for a ribbon with a potato tied around his waist
    Lena asks, "Olie, is that what you're gonna wear to the party?"
    Olie says, "Yes, I figured if you could go as a sour puss, I could go as a dictator."

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