Muscle Jokes / Recent Jokes
Sony, the global electronics giant, has some good news for couch potatoes. It has developed a new' remote control for your remote control', that enables the truly lazy to surf channels while moving even less muscles than before. "Our new device totally eliminates the need to stretch your arm that little bit more from your couch, to get the remote directly in front of the TV. Now the only muscle you need to move is your finger.", said a company spokesman. He also added that this was just one more step in Sony's global initiative to keep inventing technologies that turn people into furniture, and their brains into Jell-O. "We wanted to refine the product even more by making it thought-controlled, thereby completely removing the need for any sort of muscle movement at all, but this wouldn't work because most TV addicts are completely incapable of any kind of thought at all", lamented a little Japanese scientist.
Two old men were sat on a bench outside a nursing home having a chat. "How are you, Richard?" asked George. "I'm not feeling too good today, I'm utterly exhausted," replied Richard. "I've pulled a muscle, and it's killing me." "I'm surprised that a pulled muscle makes you feel so tired," said George. Richard yawned and said, "Well, it does if you pull it a hundred times in one night."
This guy goes to the pharmacist and says, "Listen, these two girls are coming to my place for the weekend and they are hot, very hot. Would you have something to get me going all night. It is going to be a hell of a party."The pharmacist goes in the back room, comes back with an old dusty bottle and says, "This stuff is very potent, you drink only one ounce of it and I guarantee that you will be doing the wild thing all night. Let me know about it."The weekend goes by and on Monday morning, the pharmacist is going to work and at the door of the drug store, the same fellow is there waiting for him. The pharmacist says, "What are you doing here so early? How was your weekend?"The guy replies, "Quick open the store, I need Blue Ice (a pain muscle reliever).The pharmacist, knowing what the guy had been doing all weekend, says, "Are you crazy, you can't put that on your penis. The skin is way too sensitive."The guy says, "It's not for my more...
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."
- The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
"But what... is it good for?"
- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
- Bill Gates, 1981
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of more...
Two old men were sat on a bench outside a nursing home having a chat. "How areyou, Richard?" asked George. "Im not feeling too good today, Im utterlyexhausted," replied Richard. "Ive pulled a muscle, and its killing me." "Imsurprised that a pulled muscle makes you feel so tired," said George. Richardyawned and said, "Well, it does if you pull it a hundred times in one night."
Q: What's the most active muscle in a woman? A: The penis.