Muscle Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    "Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
    - Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
    "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
    - Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
    "I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."
    - The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
    "But what... is it good for?"
    - Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
    "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
    - Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
    "640K ought to be enough for anybody."
    - Bill Gates, 1981
    "This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of more...

    Need A Muscle Relaxant

    Hot 2 years ago

    This guy goes to the pharmacist and says, "Listen, these two girls are coming to my place for the weekend and they are hot, very hot. Would you have something to get me going all night. It is going to be a hell of a party."
    The pharmacist goes in the back room, comes back with an old dusty bottle and says, "This stuff is very potent, you drink only one ounce of it and I guarantee that you will be doing the wild thing all night. Let me know about it."
    The weekend goes by and on Monday morning, the pharmacist is going to work and at the door of the drug store, the same fellow is there waiting for him. The pharmacist says, "What are you doing here so early? How was your weekend?"
    The guy replies, "Quick open the store, I need Blue Ice (a pain muscle reliever).
    The pharmacist, knowing what the guy had been doing all weekend, says, "Are you crazy, you can't put that on your penis. The skin is way too sensitive."
    The guy says, more...

    "How are you feeling today, Little Johnny?" asked Suzy.
    "I'm not feeling too good today, Suzy, and exhausted," replied Little Johnny. "I've pulled a muscle, and it's killing me."
    "I'm surprised that a pulled muscle makes you feel so tired," commented Suzy.
    Little Johnny yawned and said, "Well, it does if you pull it a hundred times a night."

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    In 1875 the director of the US patent office resigned. He said that there was nothing left to invent
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    The Channel between England and France grows about 300 millimeters each year
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    The average person's field of vision encompasses a 200-degree wide angle
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    Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name
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    On average, a person has two million sweat glands
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    Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.
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    Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
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    Your tongue is germ free only if it is pink. If it is white there is a thin film of bacteria on it.
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    The attachment of the human skin to muscles is what causes dimples
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    97% of the earth's water is undrinkable
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    The Earth gets heavier each day by tons, as meteoric dust settles on it
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    All babies are color blind when they are more...

    Q.) What do you ask a kid wearing a muscle shirt
    but has no muscles?
    A.) Did you leave your muscles in your other muscle shirt?

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