Multiply Jokes

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    Go Forth and Multiply

    Hot 5 years ago

    After it was all over and Noah lowered the ramp of the ark for all the
    animals to leave, he told the animals "To go forth and multiply."All the animals left except two snakes who lay quietly in the corner of the
    ark."Why can't you go forth and multiply?" demanded Noah."We can't," answered the snakes. "We're adders."

    A boy comes home from his first day at junior high school.
    His mother asks, "What did you do in school today?"
    "I learned how to multiply, and I had sex with my English teacher."
    The mother, shocked, replied, "Go have a talk with your father!"
    The father asked, "What happened in school today?"
    The boy says, "I learned how to multiply, and I had sex with my English teacher."
    The father beams. "What a milestone! You're really growing up! We should celebrate. I tell you what - let's get an ice cream sundae, and then we'll go buy you that bike you've wanted and go for a bike ride together."
    The boy says, "That sounds great, dad; but could we hold off on the ride? My ass is sore as hell!"

    Here is a math trick so unbelievable that it will stump you. Personally I would like to know who came up with this and why that person is not running the country. I wonder what it means...
    1. Grab a calculator. (You won't be able to do this one in your head)
    2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code)
    3. Multiply by 80
    4. Add 1
    5. Multiply by 250
    6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number
    7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
    8. Subtract 250
    9. Divide number by 2
    Do you recognize the answer?

    TEST:*** DO NOT SKIP AHEAD. Read this message ONE LINE AT A TIME and just do what it says. You will be glad you did. If not, you'll feel like an idiot and wish you had listened.***1) pick a number from 1-92) subtract 53) multiply by 34) square the number (multiply by the same number - not square root) and if it's negative make it positive. 5) add the digits until you get only one digit (i.e. 64=6 4= 10= 1 0=1)6) if the number is less than 5, add five. Otherwise subtract 4.7) multiply by 28) subtract 69) map the digit to a letter in the alphabet 1=A, 2=B, 3=C, etc...10) pick a name of a country that begins with that letter11) take the second letter in the country name and think of a mammal that begins with that letter12) think of the color of that mammal***DO NOT SCROLL DOWN UNTIL YOU HAVE DONE ALL OF THE ABOVEHere it comes, NO CHEATING or you'll be sorry... You have a grey elephant from Denmark!

    When Mrs. Smith came home one night she was horrified to find her son with his hands round his pet rabbit's neck, shaking it and shouting, "Come on then. What's five and three?

    "Stop it at once," she yelled. "What are you doing?"

    "Well, teacher told us that rabbits could multiply quickly. This one can't even add five and three."

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