Motors Jokes

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    Bill Gates compares the

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    Bill Gates compares the computer industry with General Motors
    At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
    In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):
    If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
    For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
    Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
    Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
    Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall more...

    General Motors and Segway Inc. announced this week that they are working together to develop a two-wheeled, two seat, electric vehicle that is designed to be a fast, safe, inexpensive, and clean alternative to cars and trucks. General Motors is hoping that the vehicle is the beginning of reinventing the company to begin turning a profit and pay back the government loans that have been keeping the company afloat. There is no timetable for when the cars will become available, but the price has been set at $2 billion dollars each.

    The Cape of Good Hope is located in South Africa
    Heathrow Airport is located in London
    The neon lamp was invented by Georges Claude
    The last letter of the Greek alphabet is Omega
    The place known as the land of Lincoln is Illinois
    The US state Utah is also known as the Beehive state
    The Kalahari desert is located in Africa
    The Pentagonian desert is located in Argentina
    The person known as the father of aeronautics is Sir George Cayley
    The most densely populated Island in the world is Honshu
    The two nations Haiti and the Dominion Republic together form the Island of Hispaniola
    The largest auto producer in the USA is General Motors
    The largest auto producing nation is Japan
    The famous General Motors company was founded by William Durant
    The country that brings out the FIAT is Italy
    The first actor to more...

    Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.
    "If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50."
    "Sure," says the GM chairman. "But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"

    General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if they did...
    HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
    Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!"
    HelpLine: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
    Customer: "What's an ignition?"
    HelpLine: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."
    Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?"
    HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
    Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!"
    HelpLine: "Is the gas tank empty?" Customer: "Huh? How do I know?"
    HelpLine: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a more...

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