Mississippi Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dumb Mississippi laws and humor, relating to many aspects of the state, its weather, and its people.

Mississippi Crazy Law Vagrancy is punishable by either 30 days in prison or a $201 fine. -Sec. 97-35-37

Tiger Woods went on holiday to Mississippi, while he was on vacation he decided to go for a game of golf to get a little practice in.
As he arrived at the course he is stopped by the green keeper.
"Sorry" says the green keeper, "we don't allow coloured people on this course" he says." In fact if you want a game theres a course just a 4 iron away for your sort" he says. " Don't you know i'm tiger Woods?" says Tiger. " Oh i'm very sorry then sir, I didn't recognise you, in that case it's only a six iron for you then"

A new study finds Massachusetts to be most competitive state.
That's MY state, bitches! We did it! We are the most! We are the most!

The same study finds Mississippi to be the least competitive state.
When reached for comment, state officials said, "Whatever."

A guy from Texas passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'til she's 14.How can you tell if a Louisiana redneck is married? There's dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pick-up truck.Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Oklahoma to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Texas? Documentaries.Where was the toothbrush invented? Mississippi. If it had been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teeth brush.A Georgia State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-75 and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?" and the driver replies "Bout wut?"Did you hear about the $3 million Arkansas State Lottery? The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.The governor's mansion in Alabama burned down! Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss too. Both books - poof! - up in flames and he hadn't more...

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation.

The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following; "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.

"In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, cool down lady," said the man. "Im just telling my friend how to spell Mississippi."

Kansas: Toto isn't here anymore. Wisconsin: Wear cheese or die. Oklahoma: Rather Sooner than Later. Hawaii: Try our lei-away program. Mississippi: Elvis was born here, but heck, even he left. California: Hey, with this many of us, we can make it legal! New Jersey: Waste not... send it here instead. Nevada: Two to one you'll come again! Washington: If we'd meant DC, we'd have said DC, stupid. Massachusetts: Taxus Por Un Fortunat Bums. Tennessee: To stay here, you'd have to be a Volunteer! Alabama: At least you're not in Mississippi. Idaho: And don't even joke about the &%$#)%^ potatoes! West Virginia: Well, it sounded better than Eastern Ohio... Florida: Give me your sick, your old, your rich retirees... South Carolina: Settled by prisoners, what do you expect. North Carolina: Furniture out the wazoo. Maryland: The best place to get crabs. Nebraska: Not much to look at, but we sure have a lot of it. Alaska: Colder than a polar bear's patoot. South Dakota: To rent this space call more...

A bus stops and two Asian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more." "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, cool down lady," said the man. "I'm just telling my friend how to spell Mississippi."