Missionary Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets word that he is to return home. He thinks that the one thing he never did was to teach these natives how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. He points to a tree and tells the chief,' this is a tree.' The chief looks at the tree and grunts,' tree.' The missionary is pleased with the response. They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says,' this is a rock.' At which the chief looks and grunts,' rock.'

    The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peaks over the top he sees a couple in the midst of heavy romantic activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly responds,' riding a bike.' The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them. The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching more...

    The Missionary!

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    A Missionary went to what he thought was an totally uninhabited island. He discovered that there were indeed people there, but the inhabitants of the island knew nothing of civilized culture.
    The missionary decided that it would be in the natives best interest if he could teach them about civilization. He created small schools in huts and taught the natives how to read and write and do mathmetics.
    He would take the natives one by one around the island, and teach them the correct words for objects that they would see. One day, the Missionary is walking around the island with one of the natives.
    They walk past a tree. The Missionary points and says to the native, "Tree".
    The native repeats, "Tree".
    They continue further and come to a bush. The Missionary points to it and says, "Bush".
    The native repeats the word, "Bush".
    They walk around the bush - and lying on the ground behind it, is a native couple whoopi. The more...

    Did you hear about the missionary that gave some cannibals their first taste of religion?

    There's this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks.
    One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep.
    The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health.
    Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town.
    On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, "Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?"
    The missionary says, "Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say 'Thank God' to make it go and 'Amen' to make it stop."
    Not paying much attention, the man says, "Sure, ok."
    So, he gets on the horse and says, "Thank God" and the horse starts walking. Then he says, "Thank God, Thank God," and the horse starts trotting.
    Feeling really brave, the man say, "Thank God, Thank God, more...

    Two missionaries in Africa get apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and leave them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries starts to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary can't believe it! He says, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?" The other missionary says, "I just peed in the soup."

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