Minnesota Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Minnesota Timberwolves are seeking another investor. Preferably one who's spent the last decade without watching the news.

Sven and Olie died and went to Hell. After awhile, the Devil came by to see how his new guests were doing. To his amazement, he found Sven and Olie were still wearing their winter gear and seemed to be quite comfortable. The Devil asked why they weren't hot.

Olie replied, "We come from Minnesota where it's always cold. This is feeling pretty good to us." This upset the Devil, so he turned up the thermostat. Awhile later the Devil looked in again on Sven and Olie. To his surprise he found they were still wearing their winter gear. The Devil questioned them on it again. "You have to remember that we are from Minnesota and it's very, very cold there. This is feeling nice to us."

The Devil was even madder at this, so he turned the thermostat all the way up to maximum temperature. The Devil waited some time and then went back to Sven and Olie. This time he found they had only unzipped their coats, but still had all their winter clothes on. The more...

One day Jesse Ventura came ashore with his Seal Team unit and as he walked down the beach he kicked a bottle that was sticking out of the sand. The cork popped loose, and out came a genie who immediately asked Jesse to make three wishes.

His first was to be a famous star. The genie replied she was a bit rusty right now but would make him well known as an actor.

His second request was to be a great athlete. The genie answered that she would do her best with his physical attributes and make him a well known and successful professional wrestler.

His third request was that he becomes governor of Minnesota.

The genie explained that was probably more than she could accomplish as Minnesota was filled with powerful liberal democrats and their families - the Mondales, the Humphreys, the Andersons, etc. etc. etc. and told him to make another wish.

Jesse then asked that Cleveland be Super Bowl Champions.

"What year do you more...

Radio network, Air America, has filed for bankruptcy. Host Al Franken will continue broadcasting because he is good enough, smart enough and dog gone it, people like him.

Three guys are riding horses.
1 Minnesota man, 1 Iowa man, and 1 Texas man.
Along the way the guy from texas takes out a bottle of wine, takes 1 sip throws it in the air, draws his pistol and shoots it.
The Iowa horseman asked, "Whatchya doin' that fer, thaz good stuff!?!"
The Texan replies, "Well we got plenty of that where I come from."
Later on the Iowa horseman takes out a bottle of whiskey, takes 1 sip, throws it in the air, draws his pistol and shoots it.
And the Minnesotan asked, "Why the hell'd you do that?!?! That's reeeeaaaalll good stuff!"
And the Iowa guy replies, "Oh we got plenty of that where I come from."
So the Minnesotan takes out a can of beer, slams it, shoots the guy from Iowa, and the Texan asked, "Why in the name of the holy father did you do that!?!?!"
The minnesotan replied, "We got plenty of them where i come from!"
(This won't be as funny if you're not from more...

There was a boy who worked in the produce section of a super market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, only half. The boy explained that he would have to ask the manager and so he walked into the back room and said, "There is some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he finished saying this, he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he quickly added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half." The manager okayed the request and the man went on his way. Later on the manager said to the boy, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from, son?" The boy replied, "Minnesota, sir." "Oh, really? Why did you leave more...

In Minnesota, it's illegal to tease skunks. (As if being sprayed weren't enough of a deterrent.)A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head. It is illegal to sleep naked. All men driving motorcycles must wear shirts. Citizens may not enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their head. All bathtubs must have feet. Hibbing: It shall be the duty of any policeman or any other officer to enforce the provisions of this Section, and if any cat is found running at large, or which is found in any street, alley or public place, it shall be the duty of any policeman or other officer of the city to kill such cat. Minneapolis: Red cars can not drive down Lake Street St. Cloud: Hamburgers may not be eaten on Sundays. Virginia: You're not allowed to park your elephant on Main Street.