Milkman Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act. Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?" Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"

'You're looking miserable.'

'The wife's gone off with the milkman.'

'I'm sorry to hear that.'

'Yes. Now we'll be one batsman short on Sunday.'

A rookie milkman had just started a new milk run when he happened upon a house that when he delivered the milk a beautiful woman answered the door with a see through nightie on. This happened every morning from Monday to Thursday.
On Friday the milkman couldn't take it anymore, so zipped down his fly and took out his fully erect penis and rang the doorbell to deliver the milk. To his surprise a six foot 200 pound hairy chested man answered the door.
The quick thinking milkman said, "If you don't pay for your milk today I'll piss all over you!"

Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Tiddles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Tiddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could, "I'm afraid Tiddles is dead, Lucy".
"So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Lucy as she fought back the tears.
At a loss for something to say the father replied, "Tiddles' legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Tiddles up to heaven".
Little Lucy seemed to take her Tiddles death quite well. However, two days later when her father came home from work Lucy had tears in her eyes and said: "Mommy almost died this morning".
Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook the girl and shouted, "How do you mean Lucy? Tell Daddy!"
"Well", mumbled Lucy, "soon after more...

A woman puts panties on her head to protect her hair whilst painting the walls. The doorbell rings and her small son answers it."Mum!" The boy shouts, "Take your panties off. The milkman's here and wants paying."

"Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one.""Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk.""Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it""Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk.""Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks.""Sorry about yesterdays note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round.""When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you' to give me a hand to turn the mattress.""Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last nights' Sopranos'. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened."My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle.""Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and more...

A blonde is listening to the television and sees a show that says that milk baths are good for you and decides she would like to try one. She leaves a note outside her door asking the milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk for her. When the milk man comes to the door and sees the note he wonders could this be correct, 15 gallons of milk? He thinks perhaps she meant 1.5 gallons of milk.He knocks on her door and asks her how much milk she would like. She tells him, "15 gallons, I'm going to take a bath in it.""Do you want it pasteurized?" the milkman asks.The blonde says "No, just up to my waist!"