Middle-aged Jokes

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    Church rules...

    Hot 1 year ago

    Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.

    The pastor said,' We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.'

    The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

    The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked,' Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?' The old man replied,' No problem at all, Pastor.'

    'Congratulations! Welcome to the church!' said the pastor.

    The pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked,' Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?' The man replied,' The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it.'

    'Congratulations! Welcome to the church!' said the pastor.

    The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked,' Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two more...

    A middle-aged businessman took a young woman half his age as his wife. The fantasy of having a young woman in his bed soon became a nightmare when he found that he could not last long enough to satisfy his young bride. His wife, as understanding as she was exciting, told him that all was well even if he was quick to get out of the saddle. Determined to satisfy this sweet young thing, the man visited the doctor to get some advice.
    "Doctor, I can't seem to hold back for very long when I make love to my young wife and I can't satisfy her. What can I do?"
    The doctor smiled, patted him on the shoulder, and said in a professional manner, "Try a bit of self-stimulation before having intercourse with your wife and you'll find that you'll last longer and ultimately satisfy her."
    "Okay, Doctor. If you think that will help."
    Later that afternoon, his young bride called him at work to let him know that she would be attacking him at the front door when more...

    On a nice, bright sunshiney day, three couples came to visit the local Priest in order to join the Catholic Church. By a strange coincidence, One couple was young, one was old and one was middle-aged.
    The Priest told the couples that they could join the church only if they proved they were sincere by first abstaining from sex for one week. The couples all agreed to meet back at the church in one week.
    One week later, as promised, the couples all came back and the Priest asked of the Old Couple,
    "Did you abstain from sex?"
    The old couple both shook their heads and the Priest said, "Fine! Welcome to the Catholic Church!"
    The Priest then asked the middle-aged couple, "Did you abstain from sex?". The Middle Aged woman smiled and said, "It was tough, but we made it."
    "FINE! Welcome to the Catholic Church!"
    The priest then turned to the young couple and asked, "Did you abstain from sex?"
    The young more...

    A middle-aged guy and his date are making out hot and heavy in the movies when his toupee slides off. As he's groping around for it, his hand goes between her legs, up under her skirt, and lands on her twat.She says, "That's it! That's it!"He says, "It can't be. I part mine on the side."

    Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.
    The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed.
    Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.
    "Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.
    "Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."
    The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.
    "That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."

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