Microphone Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    All Things to All People

    Hot 2 years ago

    Critics say that Presidential candidate Barack Obama tries to "be all things to all people" and that he makes too many "pie-in-the-sky" promises. At a recent political rally, Obama tried to overcome these criticisms by emphasizing his commitment to principles. Afterwards, audience members lined up at a microphone to ask Obama questions. The first person at the microphone said, "I oppose the war in Iraq. If you are elected, what will you do about that?" "I will end the war in Iraq within two weeks of taking office," answered Obama. "All our troops will come home, and I will simultaneously make sure the Iraqi government is functioning and secure." The second person in line said, "I'm an illegal alien. What will you do for people like me?" "If I am elected," answered Obama, "every illegal alien will receive U.S. citizenship, free health coverage, and a scholarship to the university of your choice." The third more...

    Four major executives from various countries are playing golf together. On the second tee they hear a phone ring.The Canadian executive reaches into his bag and pulls out a cellular phone. "O.K. buy 100 shares," the Canadian tells the other person on the phone. Then he looks at the others and says, "I'm such an important person, that I have to make sure my employees can reach me at any time. Therefore I carry a cell phone everywhere."On the next tee, they hear the sound of another phone. All of a sudden, the American puts his finger to his mouth and his thumb to his hear and begins talking. When he gets off the line he tells the others, "I'm so important that I had my company install a microphone in my index finger and a speaker in my thumb. That way, I don't have to worry about carrying a cellular telephone." The people are very impressed and move on down the fairway.On the green, they hear another phone ring. The German stands up tall and says, more...

    Stage Employees

    Hot 2 years ago

    Q: How many roadies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A: 2. One to try to hammer it in with a microphone, and another to find a cable to plug that microphone in.
    Q: How many union members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A: If we do screw in that light bulb, it'll be a 4 hour minimum on the payroll.
    Q: How many sound techs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A: None. That's the light guy's job.
    Q: How many lighting techs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A: IT'S A LAMP!

    When I was a church custodian, thene Pastor that was my boss, would have me help before, during and after weddings. He was an older Priest, but he was ahead of his time. He walked up & down the isles while preaching (years before it was an order) and he even had a shirt collar microphone 3years before any other Pastor!
    Immediately after a wedding, the Bride & Groom would walk out of the church and stand outside, at the main doors of the church, and accept the well-wishes of the people who attended the wedding (ie a "recieving line").
    Meanwhile I would be in the church, quickly gathering up the white runner (from the center isle) and straightening up the Alter area & would put all the large and small Alter chairs back against the Alter walls, so they wedding party could return to the Alter for the "Wedding photo shoot" (after the attendees went to the Reception Hall).
    Meanwhile my boss, The Pastor, would collect up the wedding items, Holy Water and etc., more...

    It is the duty of the the captain of the plane to announce after take off, the time to the destination, the speed the aircraft is travelling and ofcourse the altitude. Unfortunately in this instance the captain forgets to switch the microphone off, tells his co-pilots that " well now i shall enjoy the flight with a good cup of coffee and a blow job."
    An embarrassed flight stewardess hearing this rushes to the cockpit to inform the captain to switch off the microphone.
    Instantly a passengers replies "mam, do not forget the coffee."

  • Recent Activity