Mention Jokes

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    The God Squad

    Hot 5 years ago

    D y n a m i c D e i t y M a n a g e m e n t L t d .
    Date :- 3rd May 0023
    Messrs Matthew, Mark, Luke & John (Publishers).
    13a Sandy Wasteland Square,
    Just Next to the Pizza Hut,
    Dear Sirs,
    It is Mr. Christ's understanding that you are planning to write and
    publish a biography of him in the near future. Such a biography would, he
    is sure you would realise, be entirely unauthorised and if it were published
    in the form you suggest he would be forced to take the matter up with the
    highest authority.
    However he can fully understand your wish to write about his life
    and will sanction such a project a number of conditions:
    That the title of the book be 'The Holy Bible' and not as you
    propose, 'Hot and Salty - Our Sexy Savior's Saucy Story'.
    That you do not mention the name of his natural Father (Elvin
    Roxenby-Toke) who, for legal reasons, contests more...

    Punny Biblical Q+A's

    Hot 3 years ago

    Q: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
    A: Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.Q: Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
    A: Pharaoh's daughter; she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.Q: What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
    A: Ruth-less.Q: Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?
    A: Nebuchadnezzar; he was on grass for seven years.Q: What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
    A: Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
    A: David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
    A: Honda... because the apostles were all in one Accord.
    A: 2 Cor. 4:8 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen, "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
    A: Samson; he brought the house down.Q: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
    A: In the Big Inning, Eve stole first, more...

    IAS Interview

    Hot 2 years ago

    One young man went for an IAS Interview.

    "When did India get independence? " He was asked.

    "The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.

    "Who was responsible for our independence? "

    "There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another. " He replied.

    "Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"

    "Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.

    The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.

    When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Santa would not leave more...

    But everybody looks funny naked!
    You woke me up for that?
    Did I mention the video camera?
    Do you smell something burning?
    (In a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...
    Try breathing through your nose.
    A little rug burn never hurt anyone!
    Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
    Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
    But whipped cream makes me break out.
    Person 1: This is your first time... right?
    Person 2: Yeah... today.
    Hurry up! This room rents by the hour!
    Can you please pass me the remote control?
    Do you accept Visa?
    On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
    And to think - I was really trying to pick up your friend!
    So much for mouth-to-mouth.
    (Using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?
    Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...
    Holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
    Do you get any premium movie channels?
    Try not more...

    "I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife," the young man said, eyeing the attractive salesgirl, "but I don't know her size."
    "Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.
    "Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller that yours."
    "Will there be anything else?" the salesgirl queried as she wrapped the gloves.
    "Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs a bra and panties."

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