Mensa Jokes / Recent Jokes

Brains or Intelligence?

Hot 3 months ago

All members of Mensa have I.Q.s of at least 140.
At one Mensa convention, several members at a local cafe noticed the shaker with an S on top, for salt, contained pepper and their pepper shaker, with a P on top, was full of salt. How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling anything and using only the implements at hand? Clearly, here was the marvellous Mensa mystery!
They presented ideas, debated them, and finally came up with what they felt was a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer.
They called the blonde waitress over to dazzle her with their solution.
"Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker contains..."
"Oh, sorry!" interrupted the blonde waitress. "Here," and she unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.

Even at a Mensa convention someone is the dumbest person in the room.

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are this year's winners:
1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly (my favorite)
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. (though this is good too)
4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't more...

From The Economist of July 8, page 49:
Mensa, the club for "highly intelligent people," advertised
a competition in a children's newspaper-closing date,
June 31st.

The Top 15 MENSA Pick-Up Lines

15>' This is your brain. This is your brain on my naked thigh. Any questions?'

14>' Towards what end does a substantially empathetic demoiselle such as yourself inhabit a locus such as this?'

13>' What say we skip this nerd-fest and hit an all-night symposium on Euclidean Geometry?'

12>' Perchance, would you be inclined to participate, at my domicile, sans apparel, in a modicum of copulation?'

11>' It doesn't take a genius to see how gorgeous you are, but if it did, I'd be overqualified.'

10>' You'll have to excuse me -- Your presence excites me beyond all capacity for cognitive discourse.'

9>' Vini, Vici, Va-va-voom!'

8>' You must be tired, because you've been running quadratic equations through my mind all night.'

7>' That tape on your glasses really sets off your eyes.'

6>' According to Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle of Quantum Mechanics, more...