Medals Jokes

"A Newsweek poll said if the election were held today, John Kerry would beat Bush 49 percent to 46 percent. And today, President Bush called Newsweek magazine a threat to world peace."
-- Jay Leno

"President Bush announced he has a five-point strategy for getting out of Iraq. Points six through 10 will be handled by the Kerry administration."
-- David Letterman

"The President and Mrs. Bush were on' Larry King' last night and the president said,' America is absolutely better off today than it was 4 years ago.' Then he said,' Did I say America? I meant Chevron.'"
-- Bill Maher

"President Bush's campaign is now attacking John Kerry for throwing away some of his medals to protest the Vietnam War. Bush did not have any medals to throw away, but in his defense he did have all his services records thrown out."
-- Jay Leno

"Campaigning in Iowa yesterday President Bush vowed he will not more...

President Bush`s campaign is now attacking John Kerry for throwing away some of his medals to protest the Vietnam War. Bush did not have any medals to throw away, but in his defense he did have all his service records thrown out.

1945 - we painted pictures of girls on airplanes to remind us of home.
2000 - they put the real thing in the cockpit.

1945 - your girlfriend was at home praying you would return alive.
2000 - she is in the same trench praying your condom worked.

1945 - medals were awarded to heroes who saved lives at the risk of their own.
2000 - medals are awarded to people who work at headquarters.

1945 - a commander would put his butt on the line to protect his people.
2000 - a commander will put his people on the line to protect his butt.

1945 - wars were planned and run by generals with lots of important victories.
2000 - wars are planned by politicians with lots of equivocating.

1945 - all you could think about was getting out and becoming a civilian again.
2000 - all you can think about is getting out and becoming a civilian again.

Who wins most of the medals for bravery in Burger Land? The meatball heros!