Meaning Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw so he sees another man on the 1st floor. He yells down to him, but he can't hear, so he does sign language. He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning "need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion. The man on the 1st floor knods his head, pulls down his pants, and starts masturbating. The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and says," What the fuck is wrong with you dumbass? I said I need handsaw!!" The other guy says," I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm coming."

    Words of the Wise

    Hot 3 years ago

    WORDS OF THE WISE

    1. The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. - Franklin P. Jones

    2. Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. - Woody Allen

    3. Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they ticked me off.

    4. I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

    5. All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. - Jane Wagner

    8. What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary. - Richard Harkness, The NewYork Times, 1960

    9. Women's creed: Men are like linoleum. If you lay them right the first time, you can walk on them for 20 years. - unknown NOW member

    10. more...

    Difference

    Hot 3 years ago

    A newly joined trainee engineer asks his boss "what is the meaning of appraisal?"
    Boss: "Do you know the meaning of resignation? "
    Trainee: "Yes I do"
    Boss: "So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation"
    Comparison study: Appraisal and Resignation
    **********
    In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.
    In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.
    **********
    In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.
    In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.
    **********
    During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.
    During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you more...

    A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically to her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day! What do you think it means?"
    With certainty in his voice, the man said, "You'll know tonight."
    That evening, the man came home with a small package and handed it to his wife. With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the package to find a book entitled, "The Meaning of Dreams."

    "Only in America":
    ...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
    ...are there handicapped parking places in front of a skating rink.
    ...do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke.
    ...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
    ...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage.
    ...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
    ...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
    ...do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "poli" in latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures".

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