Marital Jokes

Editor's Note: It's dry parody. You gotta really like sci-fi to enjoy this one...

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Experiment 8 Postflight Summary
NASA publication 14-307-1792
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ABSTRACT

The purpose of this experiment was to prepare for the expected participation in long-term space based research by husband-wife teams once the US space station is in place. To this end, the investigators explored a number of possible approaches to continued marital relations in the zero-G orbital environment provided by the XXXXXX shuttle mission.

Our primary conclusion is that satisfactory marital relations are within the realm of possibility in zero-G, but that many couples would have difficulty getting used to the approaches we found to be most satisfactory.

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INTRODUCTION

The more...

From actual resumes as reported by Fortune Magazine:

"I have lurnt WordPerfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheat progroms"

"Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."

"Reason for leaving last job: Maturity leave."

"Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."

"Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."

"It's best for employers that I not work with people."

"Let's meet, so you can "ooh" and "aah" over my experience."

"You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."

"Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."

"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

"Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."

"I have an excellent track record, although I am not more...

These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in Fortune Magazine: 1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience. 2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6. 0 computor and spreadsheet progroms. 3. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year. 4. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave. 5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions. 6. Its best for employers that I not work with people. 7. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience. 8. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time. 9. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details. 10. I was working for my mom until she decided to move. 11. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades. 12. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments. 13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse. 14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail. 15. I have become completely more...

I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0, computor and spreadsheat progroms.
Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
It's best for employers that I not work with people.
Let's meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.
You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
I Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.
I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my
resume on my office voice mail.
I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one, and
absolutely nothing.
My goal is more...

"I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms." "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details." "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year." "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions." "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave." "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades." "It's best for employers that I not work with people." "Let's meet, so you can' ooh' and' aah' over my experience." "I was working for my mom until she decided to move." "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments." "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse." "I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail." "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock more...