Background: The hockey world is buzzing as former Pittsburgh Penguins superstar Mario Lemieux is expected to announce that he is coming out of retirement to play with the team he now owns.
[AP] - In a shocking development from the hockey world, hockey legend and superstar Mario Lemieux announced his come-back to the sport in an emotional press-conference at Mellon Arena today.
Not more than twenty minutes afterward, the Penguin great was immediatly traded to the Chicago Blackhawks for Tony Amonte, Mikael Nylander, Dean McAmmond and several undisclosed draft picks.
Craig Patrick, Penguins' general manager, was asked to explain the dealing of his boss, "I just wanted to do it, because it's really ironic. He still owns the Penguins and everything, but now he plays for Chicago! I mean... whoa! That's weird!"
Lemieux, seen in the Mellon Arena parking lot rather livid after he learned of his trade, tried his best to ease the situation, "It's my own damn fault. more...
Mario the mafioso gave his son Tony a handgun for his 13th birthday. The next week, when Mario asked to see the gun, Tony proudly showed him a new watch that he had traded the gun for.
Mario was quite upset and said to Tony: "So, Tony, when you get married and someday come home and catch your wife in bed with another man, whatchu gonna do - look at your watch and ask "How long you gonna be?""
Mario: Do you like ugly, fat women?
Luigi: Of course not.
Mario: You don't? But do you like women with fat, hairy butts?
Luigi: No, not at all.
Mario: Really? And you don't like women with sagging breasts?
Luigi: Absolutely not.
Mario: Why do you sleep with my wife, then?
Newly arrived in the U.S., immigrants Mario and Luigi go to the urban unemployment office.
"What line of work are you in?" the agent asks Mario.
"I pilot," replies Mario.
"I'm sure I can find a place for you," says the efficient woman, handing him an application to fill out. Then she turns to Luigi, "And what kind of work do you do?"
"I lumberjack," he answers.
"Hmmmmm... I'm afraid we don't have any openings for lumberjacks."
Suddenly Mario looks up. "Hey, you must be crazy, lady!"
The agent is taken aback. "What are you talking about?"
"Well, if he no cut it, how you expect me to pile it?"
One day Vito The Gat goes to his 14 year old son and says, "Today is the day that you get your first pistola!"
The boy replies, "But I don't want a gun. I want a golden watch!"
Vito looks strangely at his son and says, "Wadda you want wit a watch?" Before the son can answer that he says, "Picture this, you come home from a job and you find your wife in bed wit your best friend, Mario. What say then?"
The son replies, "Time's up, Mario!"