Mario Jokes

ABC announced today their lineup for the upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars. Among the notable B-list names were Emmitt Smith and Mario Lopez.

Just imagine - Emmitt Smith and Mario Lopez. What a contrast. One of these two guys made headlines spending his Sunday afternoons getting whacked by big burly men... and the other... is Emmitt Smith.

Newly arrived in the U. S., immigrants Mario and Luigi go to the urban unemployment office.
"What line of work are you in?" the agent asks Mario.
"I pilot," replies Mario.
"I'm sure I can find a place for you," says the efficient woman, handing him an application to fill out. Then she turns to Luigi, "And what kind of work do you do?"
"I lumberjack," he answers.
"Hmmmmm. .. I'm afraid we don't have any openings for lumberjacks."
Suddenly Mario looks up. "Hey, you must be crazy, lady!"
The agent is taken aback. "What are you talking about?"
"Well, if he no cut it, how you expect me to pile it?"

One day Vito The Gat goes to his 14 year old son and says, "Today is the day that you get your first pistola!"
The boy replies, "But I don't want a gun. I want a golden watch!"
Vito looks strangely at his son and says, "Wadda you want wit a watch?" Before the son can answer that he says, "Picture this, you come home from a job and you find your wife in bed wit your best friend, Mario. What say then?"
The son replies, "Time's up, Mario!"

Newly arrived in the U.S., immigrants Mario and Luigi go to the urban unemployment office.
"What line of work are you in?" the agent asks Mario.
"I pilot," replies Mario.
"I'm sure I can find a place for you," says the efficient woman, handing him an application to fill out. Then she turns to Luigi, "And what kind of work do you do?"
"I lumberjack," he answers.
"Hmmmmm... I'm afraid we don't have any openings for lumberjacks."
Suddenly Mario looks up. "Hey, you must be crazy, lady!"
The agent is taken aback. "What are you talking about?"
"Well, if he no cut it, how you expect me to pile it?"

Mario the mafioso gave his son Tony a handgun for his 13th birthday. The next week, when Mario asked to see the gun, Tony proudly showed him a new watch that he had traded the gun for.
Mario was quite upset and said to Tony: "So, Tony, when you get married and someday come home and catch your wife in bed with another man, whatchu gonna do - look at your watch and ask "How long you gonna be?""