- It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.
- Movies that show police officers being struck, beaten, or treated in an offensive manner are forbidden.
- If there are more than 5 Native Americans on your property you may shoot them.
- Spearfish: If three or more Indians are walking down the street together, they can be considered a war party and fired upon.
A family had lived in Brooklyn for three years, and their eight-year-old son had attended a Brooklyn public school for the past two years. The people of Brooklyn are renowned for their unusual, if not unique, manner of speaking, and the two years of school had given the young fellow an accent that would be recognizable anywhere in the English-speaking world.
The parents were concerned about this, for they were from Virginia, and did not think it proper that their son should speak in such a manner...excuse me, mannah.
They were well-to-do, so they imported a nanny from their home state, with instructions to Get The Brooklyn Out Of That Boy's Mouth.
Saturday morning, the nanny took the lad for the first of many walks in a nearby park. Hearing a bird making a large ruckus high in a tree, the boy said to the nanny, "Listen to that boid!"
Taking her instructions seriously, the nanny admonished him, "That's not boid, it's bird."
Puzzled, the boy more...
In The United States District Court, Southwestern District, Tempe, Arizona Case No. B19293, Judge Lance Ito, PresidingWile E. Coyote, Plaintiff-vs. - Acme Company, DefendantOpening statement of Mr. Harold Schoff, attorney for Mr. Coyote: My client, Mr. Wile E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous states, does hereby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company, manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandise, incorporated in Delaware and doing business in every state, district, and territory. Mr. Coyote seeks compensation for personal injuries, loss of business income, and mental suffering caused as a direct result of the actions and/or gross negligence of said company, under Title 15 of the United States Code, Chapter 47, section 2072, subsection (a), relating to product liability. Mr. Coyote states that on eighty-five separate occasions he has purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"), through that company's mail-order department, more...
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the follow- ing agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumina- tion of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement be- tween the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall more...
For years I badgered my mother with questions about whether Santa
Claus is a real person or not. Her answer was always "Well, you asked
for the presents and they came, didn't they?" I finally understood the
full meaning of her reply when I heard the definition of a virtual
device: "A software or hardware entity which responds to commands in a
manner indistinguishable from the real device." Mother was telling me
that Santa Claus is a virtual person (simulated by loving parents) who
responds to requests from children in a manner indistinguishable from the
Mother also taught the IF... THEN... ELSE structure: "If it's
snowing, then put your boots on before you go to school; otherwise just
wear your shoes."
Mother explained the difference between batch and transaction processing:
"We'll wash the white clothes when we get enough of them to make a load, but
we'll wash these socks out right more...