Mandela Jokes

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    Nelson Manela

    Hot 4 years ago

    Best read with a Japanese accent: Nelson Mandela is at home watching TV when there is a knock at the door. A Japanese delivery man is clutching a clipboard, pointing to a truck full of car exhausts in the driveway and yelling, "You sign, you sign!" The bewildered president will do no such thing and slams the door. The next day, the man is back, waving a clipboard under the great man's nose, gesturing to a truckload of brake pads and insisting, "You sign, you sign!" Nelson gets rid of the man again, but next day he's back with two truckloads of car parts, once again insisting that the president sign for the goods. Mandela loses his temper and yells, "Look, I don't want these. Do you understand? You have the wrong person." Puzzled, the Japanese man consults his clipboard and asks, "Ah soh. You not Nissan Maindealer?"

    One day in Soweto a delivery truck pulls up outside the Mandela house. The driver gets out and unloads al pile of boxes on to the front lawn. At this point Winnie Mandela arrives back from shopping and accosts the driver: "What are you doing? What is all this stuff on my garden!"
    "Look lady," says the driver "see this paper it say 150 car batteries for Nelson Mandela."
    And with that he jumps in his truck and drives off.
    The next day The truck again pulls up outside the Mandela house and the driver starts to unload. This time Winnie runs out shouting: "What are you doing now?"
    "Lokk lady, It says here 200 brake shoes for Nelson Mandela"
    "But what does my Nelson want with 200 Brake shoes and 150 batteries, take them away!" shouts Winnie
    "No lady I have to leave them or I get the sack", says the driver who has now finished throwing boxes on to the grass, and drives off.
    The following day the more...

    God summons Pat Buchanan, Nelson Mandela and Shimon Peres. He promises to grant each of them one wish.
    Mandela says, "I'd like all of the black people in America who aredescendants of slaves to return to their African homeland."
    "No problem," answers God.
    Peres says, "I want all of the Jews in the Diaspora to come to the Land of Israel and make it their home."
    "It's done," says God. "Pat, you're next. What's your wish?"
    Buchanan looks around at Mandela and Peres and asks God, "Did those two guys really get their wishes?"
    "Of course," says God.
    "Well in that case," says Buchanan, "just gimme a Diet Coke."

    Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Japanese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck
    full of car exhausts.
    Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Japanese man starts to yell louder: "You sign! You sign!"
    Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face.
    The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Japanese is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"
    Mr. Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Japanese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man! I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.
    The following day, Nelson more...

    Nelson Mandela is at home watching the box, when there is a knock at his door. He gets up and answers it, there is a Chinese bloke with clipboard, behind him is a lorry full of exhaust pipes.
    "You sign, you sign" yells the Chinese geezer. Nelson looks at the truck and tells the Chinese bloke that he has a got the wrong bloke.
    Next day Nelson is watching a porno film when there is a knock on his door. It's the same Chinese bloke and behind him is truck full of brake parts.
    "You Sign, You Sign" screams the Chinese bloke and pushes the clipboard under Nelson's nose.
    "Look you Twat" snarls Nelson "You've got the wrong bloke. I don't want brake parts, you've got the wrong bloke now FUCK OFF".
    Next day Nelson is sitting in the chair reading Penthouse, when there is a knock on the door. It's the Chinese bloke again, behind him are two trucks filled with engine parts. The Chinese bloke screams at Nelson "You sign, you more...

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