Manager Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man walks up to a bartender one night and asked for a beer.
"Certainly, sir. That'd be one cent."
The guy was surprised at the incredible price.
The guy, unable to believe such prices, looked up the menu and ordered a nice juicy T-bone steak with chips, peas and a fried egg.
"Certainly, sir. That'd be five cents including the beer."
The guy couldn't trust the bartender no more and called for the manager.
"The manager's upstairs with my wife."
The guy curiously asked why he was with his wife.
"He do my business, I'll do his."
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken."You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where.""Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you.""No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it."The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" Asked the manager."Never better."The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?""Nope, I shut him up in no time." Said the Marine."How'd you manage that?" asked the manager."He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine explained. more...
A step up the ladder
Maurice, a young Jew comes to North London and applies for a job as caretaker at the Edgware Synagogue. The synagogue committee were just about to offer him the job when they discover that he is illiterate. They decide for many reasons that it would be inappropriate to have an illiterate caretaker. So Maurice leaves and decides to forge a career in another business. He chooses to sell plastic goods door to door. He does well and soon is able to buy a car and later, to open a store, and then a second. Finally he is ready to open 5 more stores and so applies to the bank for a loan. But when the bank manager asks him to sign the contract, it was obvious that he could not write. Shocked to discover that this successful young man had little education, the bank manager says, "Just think what you could have been if you had learned to read and write."
"Yes," says Maurice, "I would be caretaker at Edgware synagogue."
by Peter Leppik
The following is a *true* story. It amused the hell out of me while it was happening. I hope it isn't one of those "had to be there" things.
On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday ca$h I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of
the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting mad at me.
Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go."
Server: "Is that it?"
Server: "That'll be $1. 04, eat here?"
Me: "No, it's "TO-GO" [I hate effort duplication]."
At this point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and
Server: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right more...
(I got this one from my next door neighbor, who got it from his brother...)
Desperate for work, Paul decides to accept a job offer mining deep in
Alaska. After a long journey he arrives at the mining camp, 200 miles
from civilization. The camp is small, with only a handful of miners.
He promptly meets up with the manager, and asks what his duties are.
"Firstly, you work six days of the week, every day except Saturday. Your
primary duty is to help clear out the rubble, and dump it into the rock
quarry down the road. The work isn't easy, but you will get used to it.
Also, you are on KP duty on Friday nights."
Morning comes, and Paul goes to work. The work is hard, but he is strong
enough that it isn't a real problem.
However, by the time Thursday comes around, Paul is feeling kind of lonely.
With the nearest women 200 miles away, he can't imagine how the other miners
endure from day to day. So, he approaches the more...
(name withheld) Minnetonka, MN 55345
Superior Health Insurance ATTN: Claims Review 1423 W. 90th St. New York, NY 05016
This letter is in response to your recent letter requesting a more detailed explanation concerning my recent internment at Methodist Hospital. Specifically, you asked for an expansion in reference to Block 21A.(3) of the claim form (reason for hospital visit). On the original form, I put "Stupidity". I realize now that this answer was somewhat vague and so I will attempt to more fully explain the circumstances leading up to my hospitalization.
I had needed to use the restroom and had just finished a quick bite to eat at the local burger joint. I entered the bathroom, took care of my business, and just prior to the moment in which I had planned to raise my trousers, the locked case that prevents theft of the toilet paper in such places came undone and, feeling it striking my knee, unthinkingly, I immediately, and with unnecessary more...
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Hello, Patricia Whack. I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at this frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000 and the teller asks him his name, and the frog says it's Kermit Jagger, he's the adopted pet of Mick Jagger and that it's ok, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything that he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and leaves the room. She finds the manager and says, "There is a frog called Kermit Jagger out more...