Maker Jokes / Recent Jokes
Chocolate maker Nestle announced Monday that it will purchase weight loss product maker Jenny Craig Inc. for $600 million.
The large investment is an attempt to further Nestle’s health and wellness programs, as well as the latest chess move in a continuing effort by big business to ensure that Jenny Craig spokeswoman Kirstie Alley remains fat.
Dangerously overweight film maker Michael Moore's latest movie attacks American health care by showing viewers a dangerously overweight film maker.
The change maker
Freda was looking very sad whilst talking to her best friend Kitty. "Ever since we got married, Robert has been trying to change me. That’s all he seems to do. He got me to stop drinking, cut down significantly on my smoking, and he stopped me going shopping at Brent Cross at all hours of the day. He taught me how to dress well, how to enjoy the fine arts, he got me to enjoy gourmet cooking, classical music and recently how to invest in the stock market. He even sent me to Hebrew Classes."
On hearing this, Kitty said, "Sounds like are just a little bitter because Robert spends so much time trying to change you."
"I`m not bitter, " said Freda. "Now that I`m so improved, I find he just isn`t good enough for me any more."
[My thanks to Hilary for the following]
Maurice and Becky are arguing over who should brew the coffee each morning.
Becky says, "As you get up first in the morning, Maurice, you should make it. Then we won`t have to wait too long for our coffee."
"But you’re in charge of all the cooking," replies Maurice, "that’s your job, so you should make it. And if I have to wait for my coffee in the morning, well, I don`t mind."
"But it says in the bible that the man should make the coffee," says Becky
"OK, responds Maurice, "if you can show me where it says that, I’ll never question you again."
Next day, Becky borrows a bible from her neighbour and shows Maurice that on the top of several pages it indeed says ‘Hebrews’.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Once there was a fan maker in a Burmese village. Everyday, he sold out many fans to his villagers. The reason why his fans were so popular was because of the Chinese characters on his fans. One day, his close friend visited him and interviewed him. "Ko Toke, I heard that your fans are so popular here. Many people even called your fans as Chinese fans. Where did you buy and sell them back?". The fan maker said, "Well, I make them myself.". His friend amazed and asked "But you don't understand Chinese language. How could you write the Chinese character?". Then the old men replied, "O! it is not difficult. Sometimes, I go to the Chinese cemetery near our village and imitate some Chinese characters on the tombs.": )
An engineer, a chemist and a mathematician are staying in three adjoining cabins at an old motel. First the engineer's coffee maker catches fire. He smells the smoke, wakes up, unplugs the coffee maker, throws it out the window, and goes back to sleep.
Later that night the chemist smells smoke too. He wakes up and sees that a cigarette butt has set the trash can on fire. He says to himself, "Hmm. How does one put out a fire? One can reduce the temperature of the fuel below the flash point, isolate the burning material from oxygen, or both. This could be accomplished by applying water." So he picks up the trash can, puts it in the shower stall, turns on the water, and, when the fire is out, goes back to sleep.
The mathematician, of course, has been watching all this out the window. So later, when he finds that his pipe ashes have set the bedsheet on fire, he is not in the least taken aback. He says: "Aha! A solution exists!" and goes back to more...