Majesty Jokes

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    The Brits

    Hot 1 year ago

    This wind-up article appeared recently in an American magazine. It was taken seriously by a lot of people...

    MONEY
    The Brits have peculiar words for many things. Money is referred to as "goolies" in slang, so you should for instance say "I'd love to come to the pub but I haven't got any goolies." "Quid" is the modern word for what was once called a "shilling" - the equivalent of seventeen cents American.

    MAKING FRIENDS
    If you are fond of someone, you should tell him he is a "great tosser"- he will be touched. The English are a notoriously tactile, demonstrative people, and if you want to fit in you should hold hands with your acquaintances and tossers when you walk down the street.

    CUSTOMS
    Since their Labour government whole heartedly embraced full union with Europe the Brits have been attempting to adopt certain continental customs, such as the large midday meal followed by a two or more...

    Frederick II, the eighteenth-century King of Prussia, fancied himself an enlightened monarch, and in some respects he was. On one occasion he is supposed to have interested himself in conditions in the Berlin prison and was escorted through it so that he might speak to the prisoners. One after the other, the prisoners fell to their knees before him, bewailing their lot and, predictably, protesting their utter innocence of all charges that had been brought against them.
    Only one prisoner remained silent, and finally Frederick's curiosity was aroused.
    'You,' he called. 'You there.'
    The prisoner looked up. 'Yes, Your Majesty?'
    'Why are you here?'
    'Armed robbery, Your Majesty.'
    'And are you guilty?'
    'Entirely guilty, Your Majesty. I richly deserve my punishment.'
    At this Frederick rapped his cane sharply on the ground and said, 'Warden, release this guilty wretch at once. I will not have him here in jail where by example he will corrupt all the splendid more...

    Her Majesty the Queen was being shown around a hospital. As she was
    being given the guided tour by a senior consultant, they passed a room
    where a man was masturbating wildly through the window. Of course the
    Queen was not at all amused and demanded an explanation as to why these activities were allowed in the hospital.
    "Ah," said the doctor, "Now, although it is perhaps unfortunate that
    you should have witnessed that, in fact, that poor patient is suffering from a very debilitating condition. He produces so much semen that unless he gets rid of it 4 times a day his testicles will explode."
    "Oh." said Her Majesty. "Well, in that case I suppose it's understandable."
    Further down the corridor they passed another room. The door was open
    and you could see a nurse was clearly giving a patient oral sex.
    "Goodness Gracious!" shrieked Her Majesty, "I demand an explanation of
    this kind of sordid more...

    Her Majesty the Queen was being shown around a hospital. As she wasbeing given the guided tour by a senior consultant, they passed a roomwhere a man was masturbating wildly through the window. Of course theQueen was not at all amused and demanded an explanation as to why these activities were allowed in the hospital."Ah," said the doctor, "Now, although it is perhaps unfortunate thatyou should have witnessed that, in fact, that poor patient is suffering from a very debilitating condition. He produces so much semen that unless he gets rid of it 4 times a day his testicles will explode.""Oh." said Her Majesty. "Well, in that case I suppose it's understandable."Further down the corridor they passed another room. The door was openand you could see a nurse was clearly giving a patient oral sex."Goodness Gracious!" shrieked Her Majesty, "I demand an explanation ofthis kind of sordid goings- on!""Ah," said the Doctor, more...

    Her Majesty the Queen was being shown round a hospital. As she was being given the guided tour by a senior consultant they passed a room where you could see a man masturbating wildly through the window. Of course the Queen was not at all amused and demanded an explanation as to why these activities were allowed in the hospital.
    "Ah." said the Doctor."
    Now although it is perhaps unfortunate that you should have witnessed that, in fact that poor patient is suffering from a very debilitating condition. He produces so much sperm that unless he gets rid of it 4 times a day his testicles will explode."
    "Oh." said her Majesty."
    Well, in that case I suppose I can understand."
    A little further on down the corridor they passed another room.
    The door was open, and through it you could see a nurse who was clearly giving a patient a blow job." Goodness Gracious!" shrieked HM."
    I demand an explanation for these more...

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