Maintenance Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Lipstick at School

    Hot 1 year ago

    According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
    That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
    Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
    To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip more...

    ' 'Squawks'' are problems noted by U.S. Air Force pilots and left for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some actual maintenance complaints logged by those Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. (P) = Problem, (S) = Solution

    ----------------------------------------------------------

    (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    (P) Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.
    (S) Auto land not installed on this aircraft.

    (P) # 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
    (S) # 2 propeller seepage normal - # 1, # 3, and # 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

    (P) Something loose in cockpit.
    (S) Something tightened in cockpit.

    (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    (S) Evidence removed.

    (P) DME volume unbelievably loud.
    (S) Volume set to more believable level.

    (P) Dead bugs on more...

    Lipstick

    Hot 4 years ago

    According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria,
    BC recently was faced with a unique problem.
    A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
    Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.
    Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
    She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
    To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
    He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
    Since then, there more...

    "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews, and are normally accompanied by a response from the maintenance worker.
    (Don't let these scare you about air travel any more than any other tidbits you hear in the news.)
    From the "squawk sheets":
    Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
    Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."
    Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
    Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."
    Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
    Solution #2: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
    Problem #2: "#1,#3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."
    Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
    Solution: "IT DOES NOW"
    Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
    Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit"
    Problem: more...

    A number of different approaches are being tried.
    (We are still guessing at this point.)
    Major technological breakthrough!
    (It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.)
    Test results were extremely gratifying!
    (Unbelievable! It actually worked.)
    The entire concept will have to be abandoned.
    (The only person who understood the thing quit.)
    All new.
    (Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.)
    No maintenance.
    (Impossible to fix)
    Low maintenance.
    (Nearly impossible to fix)
    E-mail me (or fax me) the data.
    (I'm too lazy to write it down.)

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