Magazines Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    If you're easily offended (I mean VERY easily), don't read this.
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    WOMEN SPEAK IN ESTROGEN AND MEN LISTEN IN TESTOSTERONE... By Matt Groening (Creator of The Simpsons and Life in Hell)
    Deep Thoughts about Gender Differences
    SEX: Women prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.
    MATURITY: Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults. Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.
    MAGAZINES: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women.
    Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Most naked men elicit laughter more...

    Absent
    (n) The notation generally following your name in a class record.
    Admissions Office
    (n) Where they take you to get you to admit you've
    mooned the keynote speaker during "new student weekend."
    Anatomy
    (n) One of those classes that sounds vaguely risque until
    you find out what it REALLY involves.
    Biology
    (n) A class located suspiciously near the cafeteria.
    Book
    (n) A depository of knowledge which a student will try to stay
    awake long enough to read the night before finals.
    Bookbag
    (n) A large container in which students store candy bars, gum,
    combs, little slips of paper with phone numbers on them, yo-yos,
    sunglasses, student I.D.s, loose change, magazines, & (occasionally) books.
    Cafeteria
    (n) from Latin "cafe" ("place to eat") and "teria" ("to wretch").
    Caffeine
    (n) One of the four basic food groups.
    Call
    (v) What you can't do because your more...

    Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.

    Michelle Singletary, personal finance columnist for the Washington Post, wanted to find out who is the biggest cheapskate America.
    The Top 3 winners:
    The husband who gave his wife subscriptions to many of her favorite magazines on Christmas 2000. He scoured yard sales to find Conde Nast Traveler, Vegetarian Gourmet, Bon Appetit and other magazines and news magazine publications dating back from 1992.
    The second place winner goes to another romantic couple. Seems the husband takes his wife to Wal-Mart for her birthday. They visit the greeting card aisle where he chooses the most expensive card on the rack. He presents it to his wife, she reads it and places it back on the display.
    Third place went to BJ, an 11-year old who washes and reuses his drinking straws.

    Mom was cleaning the house when she found her son's hidden stash of S&M and sexual bondage magazines.
    Naturally, she was very upset and she didn't know what to do. So, she waited until her husband got home to discuss it with him.
    After she showed him the magazines, she asked him, "Well, what are you going to do about it?"
    "I don't know what to do." he told her. "I really don't think I should give him a spanking for this!"

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