Madam Jokes / Recent Jokes
A little boy walks down the street with a dead frog on a string.
He enters a whorehouse and approaches the madam.
"Madam, I would like to have a girl for the afternoon." says the little boy.
"Sonny, I think you're a little young for that." replies the madam.
The little boy places a $100 bill in the madam's hand.
"One lady coming up." says the madam.
"And I want her to have herpes," says the little boy.
"Why on earth would you want that?" asked the madam, "and anyway, I don't have any women like that. All my girls are clean."
The little boy pulls out another $100 bill and gives it to the madam.
"One dirty girl, coming up," she says.
The madam takes the little boy upstairs and leaves him in a room with a well endowed blonde. When he comes down a little bit later, she says, "Son, I can understand you wanting to get laid, but why on earth would you want to catch something more...
They had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To
celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel.
She said to the bellman, "We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning."
"But, madam!", replied the bellman.
"Don't 'But madam' me," she continued. "You can't treat us like we're a couple of fools just because we don't travel much, and we've never been to the big city, and never spent the night at a hotel. I'm going to complain to the manager."
"Madam," the bellman said, "this isn't your room; this is the elevator!"
Woman in a restaurant: right, id like a scoop of strawberry icecream, a scoop of chocolate icecream, and a scoop of vanilla please!
Waiter: I'm sorry madam, it seems we have no choclate.
Woman: (sighs) then ill have a strawberry milkshake, vanilla milkshake and a chocolate milkshake please!
Waiter: I'm sorry we dont have any chocolate milkshake.
Woman: Fine. I'll have a strawberry shortcake, vanilla shortcake and a chocolate shortcake PLEASE!
Waiter: Madam, we have NO chocolate! tell me, please, is there the word 'van' in vanilla?
Woman: Yes, theres a 'van' in vanilla
Waiter: And, is the word straw in strawberry?
Woman: Yes, theres a 'straw' in strawberry.
Waiter: Is there a 'fuck' in choclate
Woman: Theres no 'fuck' in choclate
Waiter: THAT'S WHAT IV'E BEEN TRYING 2 TELL YOU!!!
Mary Poppins was travelling home but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night. "Certainly madam", he replied courteously.
"Is the restaurant open still?" enquired Mary. "Sorry, no", came the reply, "but room service is available all night. Would you care to select something from this menu?" Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it.
"Hmm, I would like hmmm cauliflower cheese please", said Mary. "Certainly madam", he replied. "And can I have breakfast in bed?"asked Mary politely. The receptionist nodded and smiled. "In that case, I would love a couple of eggs please...poached", Mary mused.
After confirming the order, Mary signed in and went up to her room for the night. The night passed uneventfully and next morning Mary came down early to check out. The same guy was still on more...
my friend who when we were in year 5 he was the idiotic guy in the whole class and the most intelligent
so one day our english miss told "the boys who talk in sinhala should go to the madam". Then She explained in sinhala. like this "SInhalen katha karana lami madam langata yanna one" SO then my friend stood up and told the teacher "miss, you also talked in Sinhala so you should go to the MADAM"!!!!
Teacher: Ramya And Shilpa!, Why Are You Late For School, Today?
Shilpa: Madam, I Lost A One Rupee Coin And Was Searching For It.
Teachear: Ramya, What About You?
Ramya: Madam,, I Was Not Able To Move Beacause I Was Hiding That Coin Under My Feet.
"Can I help you?" the madam asked
"I want Natalie," the elderly man replied.
"Sir, Natalie is our most expensive lady, perhaps someone else..."
"No," said the man, "I must see Natalie."
Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $10,000 per visit. Without blinking, the man reached into his pocket and handed her 100 hundred dollar bills. The two went up to a room for an hour, after which the man calmly left.
The next night he appeared again, demanding to see Natalie. The madam explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts. It was still $10,000 per visit. Again, the man took out the money and the two went up to the room.
When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie the money, and up to the room they went. At the end of the hour, Natalie questioned the man: "No one has ever paid for more...