Mad Jokes / Recent Jokes

These 2 cows are standing in a paddock. They strike up a conversation, as cows are want to do.
"Hi, how are you?"
"Good, how are you"
"Oh, pretty good.. . actually that's not quite true. I'm a little worried really"
"Good heavens, why. What could you have to worry about?"
"Well, it's Mad Cow Disease, actually"
"But we're in Australia; it's not going to effect us"
"You never know. Viruses are very good at traveling. You can never be sure where they're going to turn up next. To be honest, I can't believe you're not concerned yourself"
"About Mad Cow disease?"
"Yeah"
"Well it's not really my problem is it"
"Why not!"
"Well I'm a rabbit"

An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it!
Get out of the car you scumbags!"
The four men didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat.
She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station.
The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad more...

Top Ten Signs You Might Be a Frog

1. You get mad when you don't find a fly in your soup.
2. You buy out the supply of wart removal cream in your drugstore constantly.
3. French chefs are eyeing your legs and appear to be following you.
4. Bug lamps appear to you as a curse.
5. On applications, you list' Pond' as your home address.
6. Kermit is your idol.
7. You get mad whenever Miss Piggy makes a pass at Kermit.
8. Have seen the movie' The Fly' at least ten times
9. You live in fear that someday you will wind up in a child's aquarium.
10. France is the evil empire to you.

When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.

"Can you help me? asked Alice."No," said Negative. "I'm looking for a white consultant." Alice pointed in the direction she had been walking. "Did he go this way?" she asked. "No," said Negative. She pointed the other way. "Yes," said Positive. Soon Alice came upon a large brown table. The Consultant was there, as was an apparently Mad Hacker, and several creatures that Alice did not recognize. In one corner sat a Dormouse fast asleep. Over the table was a large sign that read "UNIX Conference." Everyone except the Dormouse was holding a paper cup, from which they were sampling what appeared to be custard. "Wrong flavor," they all declared as they passed the cup the cup to the creature on their right and graciously took the one being offered on their left. Alice watched them repeat this ritual three or four times before she approached and sat down. Immediately, a large toad leaped into her lap and looked at her more...

At a Senior Citizen luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day. The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.
They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady,
"Do you want to go up or down?"
All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat!
When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.
They fished for a while and continued on down the
river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river.
He again asked the lady, "Up or down? " There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild more...

Five friends lived in a room, Namely MAD, BRAIN, FOOL, NOBODY, SOMEBODY.

One day SOMEBODY killed NOBODY. At that time BRAIN was in bathroom, MAD called police.

MAD: Is it police station? ??

Police: Yes, what is the matter? ??

MAD: SOMEBODY killed NOBODY.

Police: Are you mad?

MAD: Yes, I'm MAD.

Police: Don`t you have BRAIN.

MAD: BRAIN is in bathroom...

Police: you FOOL...
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MAD: No, FOOL is reading this joke..