Once there were three construction workers. When it was lunchtime one day, they all sat down together.
The first one opened his lunchbox and said, "Eeew, turkey! I hate turkey!" So he shot himself with a rivet gun.
The second one opened his lunchbox and said, "Eeew, ham! I hate ham!" So he jumped off the building.
The third one opened his box and said, "Eeew, mac and cheese! I hate mac and cheese!" So he ran himself over with a bulldozer.
At the funeral, their three wives were talking about their lost husbands. The first two were very sad, but the third was rather puzzled.
The first wife said, "I thought he liked turkey!"
The second one said, "I thought he liked ham!"
But the third one was still puzzled. She said, "I thought he packed his own lunch."
Twas the night before Y2K, and all through the nation
We awaited The Bug, The millennium sensation.
The chips were replaced in computers with care,
In hopes that ol' Bugsy wouldn't stop there.
While some folks could think they were snug in their beds
Others had visions of dread in their heads.
And Ma with her PC, and I with my Mac
Had just logged on the Net and kicked back with a snack.
When over the server, there arose such a clatter
I called Mister Gates to see what was the matter.
But he was away, so I flew like a flash
Off to my bank to withdraw all my cash.
When what with my wandering eyes should I see?
My good old Mac looked sick to me.
The hack of all hackers was looking so smug,
I knew that it must be The Y2K Bug!
His image downloaded in no time at all,
He whistled and shouted, "Let all systems fall!"
Go Intel! Go Gateway! more...
A festive holiday poem by Hugh Drumm & Vincent Ambrose
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,
There were hacker's a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet.
The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens,
While visions of Java danced in their dreams.
My wife on the sofa and me with a snack,
We just settled down at my rig (it's a Mac).
When out in the Web there arose such a clatter,
I jumped to the site to see what was the matter.
To a new page my Mac flew like a flash,
Then made a slight gurgle. It started to crash!!
I gasped at the thought and started to grouse,
Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
My Mac jumped to a page that wasn't quite clear.
When the image resolved, so bright and so more...
IT'S A WONDERFUL MACHINE
The Sweetest Christmas Movie Frank Capra Never Made
-- by David Pogue
I guess I shouldn't have gone to a party where the eggnog was spiked, and maybe I shouldn't have watched the movie It's a Wonderful Life while leafing through MacWeek. But anyway, I had the weirdest dream last night -- like a bizarre black-and-white movie that went like this: Jimmy Stewart stars as Steve' Jobs' Bailey, who runs a beleaguered but beloved small-town computer company. For years, big monopolist Bill' Gates' Potter has been wielding his power and money to gain control of the town. And for years, Steve has fought for survival:' This town needs my measly, one-horse computer, if only to have something for people to use instead of Windows!'
But now an angry mob is banging on Apple's front door, panicking.' The press says your company is doomed!' yells one man.' You killed the clones! We're going to Windows!' calls another.' We want out of our more...
In case you missed the article, someone found a condom in a McDonald's hamburger recently. Here's David Letterman's explanation in his Top 10 format
Top Ten List... McDonald's excuses for the condom in the Big Mac
10. We were test marketing the new' 'McTrojan''
9. Condom, Condiment - what's the damn difference
8. It still tastes better than the Arch Deluxe
7. It was either there or in the vanilla shake
6. Turns out the rumors about Grimace and Mayor McCheese are true
5. We're experimenting with a new even happier Happy Meal
4. So what - a regular Big Mac is 60% latex anyway
3. Employees too embarrassed to say' 'Would you like condoms with that''
2. Drive-thru speaker broken-''Coke with lots of ice'' sounded like' 'Prophylactic device''
1. When you're serving billions and billions, you can't be too careful.