Lutheran Jokes

...a midlife crisis means switching from the old hymnbook to the new one.. ..you forget to put water in the baptismal font but never forget to put water in the coffee pot.. ..the pastor skips the last hymn to make sure church lasts exactly 60 minutes.. ..you make spaghetti at your house with the little macaroni noodles because they're not so messy then.. ..you don't make eye contact when passing someone in the hall because you think it's impolite.. ..your choir believes volume is a fair substitute for tonality.. ..you don't know what was sooo funny about dat movie "Fargo" then.. ..in response to someone jumping up and shouting "Praise the Lord!", you politely remind him or her that we don't do that around here.

...doughnuts are in the official church budget.. ..they have to rope off the last pews in church so the front isn't empty.. ..you're watching "Star Wars" in the theatre and when they say, "May the force be with you," the theatre replies, "and also with you.". ..you tap a church visitor on the shoulder and say, "excuse me, but you're in my seat.". ..you doodle on the back of communion cards.. ..you can say the meal prayer all in one breath.. ..Bach is your favorite composer just because he was Lutheran, too.. ..you hesitate to clap for the church choir or special music because "it just wasn't done that way in the old days."

...your LCMS pastor refers to St. Louis as "the holy city.". ..at Thanksgiving you serve lutefisk and try to convince your kids it's really a turkey.. ..you're at an evangelistic rally and you actually manage to raise your hands waist high.. ..the only mealtime prayer you know is "Come Lord Jesus.". ..you and your family of six squeeze into the last pew along with the 140 members already sitting there.. ..you're 57 years old and your parents still won't let you date a Catholic.. ..at the close of a memo it states "Peace be with you" and you respond "and also with you.". ..you can't get into heaven without a casserole.

When Ole quit farming, he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in his new little town of Catholics. That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his barbequing beef every Friday. Since they couldn't eat meat on Friday, the tempting aroma was getting the best of them. Hoping they could do something to stop this, the neighbors got together and went over to talk to Ole. "Ole," they said, "since you are the only Lutheran in this whole town and there's not a Lutheran church for many miles, we think you should join our church and become a Catholic." Ole thought about it for a minute and decided they were probably right. Ole talked to the priest, and they arranged it.The big day came and the priest had Ole kneel. He put his hand on Ole's head and said, "Ole, you were born a Lutheran, you were raised a Lutheran, and now," he said as he sprinkled some incense over Ole's head, "now you are a Catholic!"Ole was happy and the neighbors were happy. more...

...you think a meeting isn't legitimate unless it's at least three hours long.. ..peas in your tuna noodle hotdish add too much color.. ..you make change in the offering plate for a ten.. ..your dad's name is Luther N., your brother is Luther Hahn and you are Lew Theran.. ..you think butter is a spice.. ..the church is on fire, and you rush in to save the coffee pot.. ..you have more than five flavors of Jell-O in your pantry.. ..you know what a "dead spread" is.