Lovely Jokes / Recent Jokes

Wife:
In Des - A woman who gives you your underwear and towel when you go to take shower.
In Pardes - A woman who yells at you not to leave tub dirty when you go to take a bath.
Son:
In Des - A teenager, who without asking will carry your grocery bags from the market.
In Pardes - A teenager, who suddenly remembers he has lot of homework when you start mowing the lawn.
Daughter:
In Des - A lovely doll, who brings tears to your eyes when she is getting married.
In Pardes - A lovely doll, who brings you to tears long before any marriage.
Mother:
In Des - A woman who defends you and cares for you, but would not dare to go against your father's wishes for you.
In Pardes - A women who is a sucker for anything you want, especially if dad's against it.
Father:
In Des - A person you are afraid of, and who is never to be disobeyed.
In Pardes - A person to whom you pretend to obey, after all he is the one paying your college more...

Q: How many [cricket] Test Match Special commentators does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change it, one to eat the lovely chocolate cake sent in by the Bournemouth Womens Institute, one to say "Now when was the last time we had to change a light bulb on-air - wasn't it 1989 at Lords ?" and one to comment on the lovely red bus going down the Oxford Road.

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetie for Valentine's Day. As they had not been dating very long, it was a very difficult decision. After careful consideration he decided a good gift would be a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sister, he went to the store and bought the gloves. His sister purchased a pair of panties at the same time. The clerk carefully wrapped both items but in the process got them mixed up. The sister was handed the gloves and the young man got the panties. The young man mailed his Valentine's Day gift with the following note:"This special Valentines Day gift was chosen because I noticed you are in the habit of not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister, I would have chosen the ones with buttons, but she prefers short ones that are much easier to remove." These are a lovely shade, the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly more...

While driving through an Indian reservation, the salesman was approached by a very lovely Algonquin maid, who offered herself to him for fifty dollars. "That's a lot of money," he said. "Manhattan Island cost only twenty-four."
"True," she agreed, "but Manhattan Island just lies there."

I always worry when you leave on a business trip," sobbed the salesman's lovely young wife.
"Don't worry about me, honey," he answered soothingly. "1*11 be back before you know it."
"I know," she said. "That's what worries me."

A fellow was shipwrecked with six lovely women whoin a short time were fighting over his attentions. They held a meeting to resolve the problem anddecided that each would have his services on adifferent day of the week, with Sundays off for him. In due time the guy was dragging himself through theweek, looking forward to Sunday. As he lay an the beach one day he saw a dot floatingon the sea which as it got closer turned out to be aman on a raft. With his last ounce of strength heswam out, pulled the raft ashore, gave the occupantCPR and as he came around said to him; "Oh man, amI ever glad to see you! "Goodness gracious, am I ever glad to see you too"said the raft rider in a swishy way. With a shrug of resignation the guy said... "Oh damn, there goes my Sundays!"

While driving through an Indian reservation, the salesman was approached by a very lovely Algonquin maid, who offered herself to him for fifty dollars. "That's a lot of money," he said.

"Manhattan Island cost only twenty-four."

"True," she agreed, "but Manhattan Island just lies there."