Lounge Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mr. Youngman was brought to the lounge of the nursing home to await his son. Since he was especially frail, the nurse was never far from his side.
As it happened, at least once every minute the ninety-year-old would tilt slightly to one side; as soon as he did so, the nurse' hurried over and straightened him right up.
Finally Mr. Youngman's son Bob arrived.
"Well, pop," he said, "how're they treating you here?"
He replied, "The food's fine and the accomo-dations are even better-but there is one thing."
"What's that?"
Cocking his eyes over his shoulder, he said, "It's that sonofabitchin' nurse over there. He won't let me fart!"

A physicist and a mathematician are sitting in a faculty lounge. Suddenly, the coffee machine catches on fire. The physicist grabs a bucket and leap towards the sink, filled the bucket with water and puts out the fire. Second day, the same two sit in the same lounge. Again, the coffee machine catches on fire. This time, the mathematician stands up, got a bucket, hands the bucket to the physicist, thus reducing the problem to a previously solved one.

A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collarand is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission.So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie anddiscovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything."

One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer's hoof.
As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said "You know, I think you're the first reindeer I've ever seen in here."
The reindeer looked hard at the hoofful of change and said "Hmmmpf. Let me tell you something, buddy. At these fuckin' prices, I'm the last reindeer you'll see in here."

A man and a woman meet in a pub and start to chat. He tells her that he has just got divorced, and when she enquires as to the reason, he explains that he has always had a liking for kinky sex and that his ex-wife found it all a bit unpleasant. The woman replied that she too had recently divorced, and that it was because she also wanted to have kinky sex. The woman then suggests that they adjourn to her house and enjoy a session of kinky sex together. They eagerly hurry round to the woman's house and go into the lounge.
"Stay here," the woman says, "I'll be back in a minute."
The woman goes upstairs. 15 minutes later she comes back into the lounge wearing a rubber suit with metal studs, a leather mask, stiletto-heel boots, and brandishing a large bull-whip.
"Right then," says the man, "I'll be off then."
"Hold on," says the woman, "I thought you wanted have some kinky sex.
"Oh I did," said the man, more...