Louder Jokes

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    Where is God

    Hot 5 years ago

    In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wit's end trying to control them. Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the priest to talk with the boys.
    The father replied, "Sure, do that before I kill them!"
    The mother went to the priest and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the priest.
    The priest sat the boy down across a huge, impressive desk he sat behind.
    For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the priest pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"
    The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing.
    Again, louder, the priest more...

    Woman hunting a deer

    Hot 5 years ago

    After years of nagging, the wife was finally going deer hunting with her husband. "I'll drop you off here and go park the car. Don't get into trouble". says her husband.
    He drove the car down the road and parked it. Walkin gback he could hear a heated argument between his wife and some man.
    "It's my deer. I shot it!" he could hear his wife shouting.
    The man's voice kept insisting... "That's not your deer, lady"
    The husband started walking faster. His wife said "It is TOO my deer. I shot it and it's mine."
    "No it's not" said the man.
    The argument got louder and louder with his wife shouting about her killing her first deer.
    Finally, the weary voice of the man was heard admitting defeat.
    "Okay, lady, it's YOUR deer. Just let me get the saddle off it!"

    Edwin Land is famous for inventing the Land Camera, also known as the Polaroid - the first instant camera. But he could invent just about anything he turned his mind to. Once his wife, in desperation, asked him to invent something to shut the dogs up! Seems they had two bull misstifs that could raise a terrible racket when they got excited.
    So Edwin set his mind to it and invented a speaker that would shout at the dogs when their noise got to an intollerable decibel level. Since his was the only voice they would obey, the recorded message was in his own voice. And it worked; when the voice boomed out, it quieted them instantly.
    But, one evening the Lands were having a party and the house was full of guests, really making merry and whooping it up. The noise kept getting louder and louder, until finally a slamming door did it: it reached the decibel level to activate the speaker.
    "BE QUIET! SIT!" And of course all the guests, recognizing the master's voice did, more...

    George W. Bush was walking through an airport last week, when he saw an old man with white hair, a long white beard, wearing a long white robe and holding a staff. He walked up to the man, who was staring at the ceiling, and "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?"
    The man stood perfectly still and continued to stare at the ceiling, saying nothing. Again, George W. asked, a little louder this time, "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?" Again, the old man stared at the ceiling motionless without saying a word. George W. tried a third time, louder yet. "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?" Again, no movement or words from the old man. He continued to stare at the ceiling.
    One of George W's aides asked him if there was a problem, and George W. said, "Either this man is deaf or extremely rude. I have asked him three times if he was Moses, and he has not answered me yet." To which the man, still staring at the ceiling finally replied to the aide, "I more...

    George W. Bush was walking through an airport last week, when he saw
    an old man with white hair, a long white beard, wearing a long white
    robe and holding a staff. He walked up to the man, who was staring at
    the ceiling, and asked, "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?"
    The man stood perfectly still and continued to stare at the ceiling,
    saying nothing.
    Again, George W. asked, a little louder this time, "Excuse me sir,
    aren't you Moses?"
    Again, the old man stared at the ceiling motionless without saying a
    word.
    George W. tried a third time, louder yet, "Excuse me sir, aren't you
    Moses?"
    Again, no movement or words from the old man. He continued to stare at
    the ceiling.
    One of George W.'s aides asked him if there was a problem, and George
    W. said, "Either this man is deaf or extremely rude. I have asked him
    three times if he was Moses, and he has not answered me yet."
    To which the more...

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