London Jokes / Recent Jokes

The braggers
Becky, Sadie and Hannah are bragging about their sons.
Becky says, "My son is very successful. He is the best lawyer in London."
Sadie says, "My son has done better than that. He is the best doctor in London."
Hannah says, "My son has not done that well. He does not have a very good job and he is gay. But he has these two great boyfriends - one is the best lawyer in London and the other is the best doctor in London."

LONDON - A baffled British woman who lost a mobile phone dialed
the number and heard it ringing inside her friend's dog.
Rachel Murray, 27, had left the cellphone under her Christmas tree as a
surprise gift for her flatmate, The Sun newspaper reported on Friday.
But chum Tony Dangerfield's bloodhound Charlie crept into the room and
greedily wolfed down the mobile phone, leaving only a pile of torn paper.
After a frantic search for the phone, Murray obtained the number from the
telephone company, dialed and heard muffled ringing from sleeping Charlie's
stomach.
"At first I thought Charlie was lying on the phone - then I realized where
it was," she said. "I couldn't believe he'd swallowed it."
The dog was rushed to a vet, who advised Murray and Dangerfield to let
nature take its course.
Twenty four hours later the phone duly emerged - in perfect working order.

Which Lord Mayor of London was always on the Internet? Click Whittington

Two Englishmen struck up a conversation with an American in the club car of a train headed east out of Chicago.
"I say," queried the younger Englishman, "have you ever been to London?"
The American laughed. "It was my home for two years during the war," he said. "Had some of the wildest times of my life in that old town."
The older Englishman, a little hard of hearing, asked, "What did he say, Reggie?"
"He said he's been to London, father," the younger Englishman replied.
After a little lull in the conversation, the young man asked, "You didn't, by any chance, meet a Hazel Wimbleton in London, did you?"
The American almost fell off his chair. "Hot-Pants Hazel?!" he exclaimed. "My God, I shacked up with that broad for three months just before I came back to the States."
"What did he say, Reggie?" the older Englishman wanted to know.
"He says more...

An Irish girl went to London to work as a secretary and began sending home money and gifts to her parents.
After a few years, they asked her to come home for a visit as her father was getting frail and elderly. She pulled up to the family home in a Rolls Royce and stepped out wearing furs and diamonds.
As she walked into the house, her father said, "Hmmm, they seem to be paying secretaries awfully well in London."
The girl took his hands and said, "Dad, I've been meaning to tell you something for years, but I didn't want to put it in a letter. I can't hide it from you any longer. I've become a prostitute."
Her father gasped, put his hand on his heart and keeled over. The doctor was called, but the old man had clearly lost the will to live. He was put to bed and the priest was called.
As the priest began to administer Extreme Unction, with the mother and daughter weeping and wailing, the old man muttered weakly, "I'm a goner, killed by me more...

Our famous Udurawana was attending a conference in London. He was flying for the first time. Here are some incidents which took place during that trip.
GETTING ON
At Katunayake airport, the passengers were climbing the steps to board the plane. A foreigner missed his step & slipped. He shouted "Oh, I lost my balance!" and the moving got slowed down a bit. Udurawana was at the bottom of the steps anxiously waiting to get in to the plane for the first time and he shouted, "Doesn't matter you fool, I have enough coins in my pocket. I'll give you some later! "
EMBARKATION CARD
When it was closer to London, Passengers were given the embarkation card to fill. Udurawana started filling.
Full Name: Heen Banda Udurawana
Sex: Ticked the Female Box and wrote below: unlike these foreigners, we always have sex with females!
GETTING OFF
Getting off Finally, the plane arrives at Heathrow. Udurawana was excited and anxious to get off. So he more...

200
The term 'astrology' literally means Star Speech
201
Togo is situated in Africa
202
Coal is also known as Black Diamond
203
The first boxer to win 3 gold medals in Olympics was Laszlo Papp
204
The first ruler who started war games for his soldiers was Genghis Khan
205
The first cross word puzzle in the world was published in 1924 by London Sunday Express
206
The lightest known metal is Lithium
207
The Atacama Desert is located in North Chile
208
The oil used to preserve timber is creosote oil
209
The founder of USA was George Washington
210
The first talkie feature film in USA was The Jazz Singer
211
The chemical name of laughing gas is Nitrous Oxide
212
The US state Mississipi is also known as Tar Heel State
213
The US state Indiana is also known as Volunteer State
214
The US state Missouri is also known as Hoosier State
215
The US state West Virginia is more...