Lobster Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    In biology class the teacher asks, "Can anyone tell me why a flounder is flat?" Little Johnny raises his hand.
    "Go ahead, Little Johnny."
    "My uncle told me it's because a whale raped the flounder."
    "That's terrible, Little Johnny. I'll have to speak to your parents about this. Let's try another one. Why does a lobster's eyes protrude from its head?"
    Again Little Johnny raises his hand.
    "We'll give you another chance."
    "My uncle said when the whale raped the flounder, the lobster saw it, and his eyes popped out in shock."

    Republicans in Hell

    Hot 10 months ago

    While walking down the street one day, a Republican head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
    "Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
    "No problem, just let me in." says the Republican.
    "Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
    "Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the Republican head of state.
    "I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts the Republican to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing more...

    While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity." "Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator. "I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had more...

    One day a little girl heard her big sister talk on the phone and she said bitch and barstards. The little girl asked her sister what bitches and barstards ment. She said Ladies and Gentlemen.
    The next day she saw her mum putting on makeup she said SHIT! the little girl asked what shit ment. Her mum said Makeup.
    The next day her dad was cooking a lobster and he said Fuck the little girl asked what that ment and he said cooking.
    So one night her mum had a party and the little girl yelled out "Hello bitches and barstards, my mum has shit on her face and my dad is fucking a lobster."

    One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St.Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an executive make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in." said the woman. "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in." "Actually, I think I've made up my mind...I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman. "Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the more...

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