Load Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A trucker stops at a red light and a blonde catches up to him. She knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker just ignores her, the light changes, and he proceeds down the street. At the next light, the blonde again catches up and says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load." He ignores her again and continues down the street. At the next red light the blonde catches up, all out of breath, knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker looks at her and finally he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's snowing, and I'm driving a salt truck."

    An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels. He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldnt prove it. He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin. Time after time the auditor stopped the bloke, made him remove the tarpaulin and then inspected the load. On every occasion there was only scrap metal in the truck which the driver said he was taking to the tip. On three occasions the auditor made the bloke remove the tarpaulin and then unload the scrap in front of him, suspecting that there might be stolen stock hidden underneath. Nothing. He could never find anything amiss. After a few months of this the auditor was offered a better job elsewhere and resigned. A few weeks later he was drinking in a pub when the shifty character walked in. On a n impulse the auditor went up to him and said, "Look, Ive left the company, Im not more...

    This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying ''Nerds Not Allowed - Enter At Your Own Risk!'' He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him.
    ''You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?''
    ''I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I'm hauling.''
    ''Okay, truck drivers are not nerds,'' he says and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked.
    ''Why did you do that?''
    ''Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license.'' The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the more...

    $HOME = /dev/null. 3K RAM free, no EMS. A .22 caliber intellect in a .357 Magnum world. A 10K brain attached to a 9600 baud mouth. A 20th century man... The guy has no future. A 3.5-inch drive, but data on punch cards. A black-and-white mind working on a color-coded problem. A brain like a BB in a boxcar / box of Corn Flakes. A couple of slates short of a full roof. A couplet short of a sonnet. A cup and saucer short of a place setting. A day late and a dollar short. A deadbolt with a broken cylinder. A doughnut short of being a cop. A few beads short in her rosary. A few beans short of chili. A few beers short of a six-pack / a six-pack short of a case. A few birds shy of a flock. A few blocks short of a filesystem. A few bombs/melons short of a full load. A few bricks short of a wall / hod / load / pile. A few chips short of a cookie. A few clowns short of a circus. A few clues shy of a solution. A few cold solder joints. A few ears short of a bushel. A few feathers short of a whole more...

    1:00 am - Alarm clock rings
    2:00 am - Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed
    2:30 am - Throw everything except the kitchen sink into the pick-up
    3:00 am - Leave for the deep woods
    3:15 am - Back home to pick up gun
    3:30 am - Set up camp. Forgot the damn tent
    4:00 am - Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight
    4:30 am - Set up camp
    6:05 am - Head for the woods
    6:06 am - See eight deer
    6:07 am - Take aim and squeeze the trigger
    6:08 am - CLICK
    8:00 am - Load gun while watching deer go over the hill
    9:00 am - Head back to camp
    12:00 NOON - Fire gun for help-eat wild berries
    12:15 pm - Run out of bullets-eight deer come back
    12:20 pm - Strange feeling in stomach
    12:30 pm - Realize you ate poison berries
    12:45 pm - Rescued
    12:55 pm - Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped
    3:00 pm - Arrive back at camp
    3:30 pm - Leave camp to kill deer
    4:00 pm - Return to camp for bullets
    4:01 pm - more...

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