Linda Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A woman named Linda went to Arkansas last week to visit her in-laws, and while there, went to a store. She parked next to a car with a woman sitting in it, her eyes closed and hands behind her head, apparently sleeping.
    When Linda came out a while later, she again saw the woman, her hands still behind her head but with her eyes open. The woman looked very strange, so Linda tapped on the window and said "Are you okay?"
    The woman answered "I've been shot in the head, and I am holding my brains in."
    Linda didn't know what to do; so she ran into the store where store officials called the paramedics. They had to break into the car because the door was locked.
    When they got in, they found that the woman had bread dough on the back of her head and in her hands. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded, apparently from the heat in the car, making a loud explosion like that of a gunshot, and hit her in the head.
    When she reached back to find what it more...

    Linda Burnett, was visiting her in-laws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.
    One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
    The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back more...

    Dear Abby has received lots of letters about funny names. Here are just a few sent to her!
    My father was born in Menomonie, Wis., and later taught there. He used to tell me about a law firm there called Ketchum and Cheatum. Also, he had a high school classmate named Iva Liver. - ANN, COLUMBUS, OHIO
    Years ago, I interviewed an attorney who was supposed to handle an important matter for me. His name: Rex R. Case. (Needless to say, I did not hire him!) - LINDA, N.J.
    I read the front section of the paper, where I encountered the following. It's titled, "Circumcision of African men can cut HIV risk by half." The physician quoted from the World Health Organization is Dr. Kevin De Cock. - BONNIE IN WABASH, IND.
    For many years the Internal Revenue supervisor in Oklahoma City was "I.M. Filer." - ANONYMOUS IN OKLAHOMA
    My sister lives in Williamsville, N.Y., where there is a funeral home that seems nothing out of the ordinary, except for the name: Amigone more...

    Monica's Diary

    Hot 5 years ago

    Entry 1
    Dear Diary,
    I'm so excited! Just got a job as an intern at the White House... and I don't know a thing about medicine. Don't even know what my duties are yet, but I hope it's a "hands on" position. Entry 2
    Dear Diary,
    You won't believe this! I snuck into the Oval Office when no one was looking. But then I dropped one of my contacts. So, I got down on my hands and knees and was looking for it when-guess what-the president walked in. He said, "You must be the new intern." That man is psychic! I hope he likes me. Entry 3
    Dear Diary,
    I think the president likes me. Today he dropped his contacts on the rug and asked me to find them. Entry 4
    Dear Diary,
    He really likes me. Entry 5
    Dear Diary,
    I have been sent to the stupid Pentagon to work. It is such a drag. Like they're going to put me in charge of heat-seeking missiles or something. But I still talk to my Bubba-cakes on the phone. He calls me "1-900 Monica." more...

    Jack woke up the morning after the office party with a horrible hangover and was having a hard time recalling the events of the previous night. He made his way down to the kitchen where his wife was.
    "Linda," he groaned, "what happened last night. Please tell me I wasn't as bad as I think."
    "Worse," she replied, scorning. "You went and made a complete ass of yourself. Not only did you succeed in infuriating everyone, you insulted the CEO right to his face."
    "That guy's an asshole," Jack retorted. "Piss on him."
    "That you did!", Linda replied. "That's when he fired you."
    "Well fuck him!", yelled Jack.
    "I did." Linda replied. "You're back at work on Monday."

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